Victorian Dreams

Don't be presumptuous.

2007-11-07T09:42:00.002+08:00

I feel like puking.

I cannot believe myself.

I am so emotionally unstable right now.

What the fuck's wrong with me?

Hate. I hate.

I heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall, the major lift,
the baffled king composing Hallelujah . . .

Hallelujah . . .

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof; her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair; she broke your throne; she cut your hair,
and from your lips she drew the Hallelujah . . .

Hallelujah . . .

Maybe I have been here before
I know this room; I have walked this floor; I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch; love is not a victory march
it's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah . . .

Hallelujah . . .

There was a time you let me know
What's really going on below, but now you never show it to me, do you?
Remember when I moved in you; the holy dark was moving too,
and every breath we drew was Hallelujah . . .

Hallelujah . . .

Maybe there's a God above,
and all I ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
And it's not a cry you can hear at night; it's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah.

Hallelujah.

sigh

2007-11-04T20:47:00.001+08:00

I CAN'T BELIEVE SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW!

And just when I was having a social life . . .

letters

2007-10-30T16:19:00.000+08:00

If you think I cannot perceive your selfishness, then you are being foolish.

I refuse to be used.

Don't you dare play such games with me; you don't know whom you are crossing.

something I wrote on the 4th of April, 2006

2007-10-30T12:42:00.000+08:00

Gazing at a mauve horizon, where the clouds boil of dreams and decay, there in the distance awaits a silver shore; the sands are broken slivers of my nights, and the unmoving waves are the frosted remnants of my dusks; and the wilting vespertine nightshade that I am, I dance in the acrid wind that steals my life even as I breathe in its fragrant poison; forever leaping in bolts of damask cloth and gossamer scarves of the palest blue and the most delicate cream; hints of sandalwood incense tickling my senses; I am your belladonna, and I dance only for you; leaping from the belfry of my thoughts and into the crystalline light that shatters in my grasp; the rain comes, weeping the remnants of what was once light and beauty; pieces of my phantasms blooming in your palms; open-mouthed and gasping for life; pretty phrases and drooping dreams, pursing lips and gleaming eyes; curling hands and swaying flesh; flowing silk and tinkling bells; softest psalms and thundering descants; quatrains with no count, and sonnets with no rhyme; you; me; them; he; she; mine; yours; all yours; I.

DAMN IT.

2007-10-30T11:17:00.000+08:00

PMS is driving me crazy.

Puñeta.

I hate.

2007-10-29T15:59:00.000+08:00

I really need a copy of Fruits Basket and Saiunkoku Monogatari.

Hm.

2007-10-29T11:44:00.001+08:00

Something's wrong with me, and I wish I knew what.

bangag / delayed post

2007-10-29T11:42:00.000+08:00

Sleepovers are fun.

meme!

2007-10-22T12:35:00.000+08:00

From a good friend of mine, Theresa. :)

Red
Closest red thing to you?: My CD of The Beatles.
Last thing to make you angry?: Argument with my mother.
Do you have a temper?: Don't cross me.
Last warning you were given?: To not be sarcastic. *rolls eyes*
Ever been in love?: Nope.
Are you a fan of romance?: Generally, I think so.

Orange
Closest orange thing to you?: My thumb drive.
Do you like to burn things?: Uh. No.
Dress up for halloween?: I haven't in a while, though I went in a gown and in full goth makeup as a vampire mistress once. XD
Are you usually a warm-hearted person?: It depends.
Do you have anything against ginger hair?: If it suits the person, then it's cute.
Are you usually full of energy?: When I put myself in gear. Haha.

Yellow
Closest yellow thing to you?: My yellow post-it pad.
The happiest time of your life?: The last two years of high school until today. :)
Favourite holiday?: Is summer a holiday? XD Hm . . . I'd say Halloween.
What makes you smile?: Anything that tickles my fancy.
Are you a coward?: It depends. If it's occult stuff, then maybe. If it's blood, guts, and gore we're talking about, obviously not.
Do you burn or tan?: I burn. X_x

Green
Closest green thing to you?: My old Community Health Nursing book, Nursing Practice in the Community by Araceli Maglaya. X_x
Do you care about the environment?: Well, I definitely don't litter, and I'm against burning plastic.
Are you jealous of anyone right now?: Nope.
Are you a lucky person?: I wouldn't say lucky. I would say fortunate.
Do you always want what you can't have?: Sometimes, but I don't make a habit of it.
Do you like being outdoors?: As long as there's an indoor area nearby. XD

Blue
Closest blue thing to you?: A blue scrunchie.
Are you good at calming people down?: I usually let them rant. I think it's healthier if whatever's making them ill is out of their system.
Do you like the sea?: Yes. I love the sea.
Last thing to make you cry?: An argument with my mother about something very silly in retrospect.
Are you a logical thinker?: A lot of people say so. Though I like twisting the bounds of logic for my own purposes.
Can you sleep easily?: Not always.

Purple
Closest Purple thing to you?: A stuffed elephant Theresa gave me. :)
Like being treated to expensive things?: Of course! As long as I don't have to pay back? Haha.
Do you like mysterious things?: A dash of it's not bad. ;)
Favorite type of chocolate?: Belgian? I also like Hershey's Kisses and Cadbury's Picnic. And Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
Ever met anyone in royalty?: In the nuclear part of any royal family, no.
Are you creative?: I don't think I'm creative enough.

Pink
Closest pink thing to you?: My Snoopy comic book, Snoopy Stars in The Holidaymaker.
Are you gay/bisexual?: Pretty much straight, but I wouldn't mind some forays with people of the same gender. ;)
Do you like sweet foods?: Some. But nothing overtly sweet.
Do you like play-fighting?: Yeah, sometimes. XD
Are you sensitive?: Kind of.
Do you like punk music?: It's okay.

WHITE PWNS YOUR SOUL
Closest white thing to you?: Lots of paper.
Would you say you're innocent?: In mind or in experience? XD
Always try to keep the peace?: Not really. I mean, I'm not a peacemaker, but neither do I stir things up. I think if there are two or more parties involved, then they should resolve it themselves without me inserting myself needlessly.
How do you imagine your wedding, if you want one?: I'd like a medium-sized one. Very extravagant. Best venue, best food, best designer, best everything.
Do you like to play in the snow?: It doesn't snow in the Philippines.
Are you afraid of going to the doctors or dentists?: Dentists make me nervous. Doctors, not really. Maybe because trips to the doctor's office are so routine for me, poor, frail, sickly me. XD

Black
Closest black thing to you?: My speakers.
Ever enjoy hurting people?: I won't answer that question.
Are you sophisticated or silly?: A good mix of both, I'd like to think.
Afraid of death?: It's not so much that I'm afraid of death what comes after death. I just don't want to die without reaching my goals and ambitions.
Would you like to go to space?: Maybe.
Do you have a lot of secrets?: Secret.

What is your favourite colour?: Blue, silver, black. Old rose and maroon, sepia and sienna.
Does the colour you wear affect your mood?: Sometimes, but more often I think it's vice-versa. Whatever my mood is, I dress to reflect it.
What colour are your bedroom walls?: Off white.
Do you prefer contrasting or harmonizing colours?: Both, depending on my mood. :)
Do you like to paint?: I can't even draw. O.o
What colour would you think best symbolises your personality?: Sapphire or cerulean blue, with etched swirls of white and black? Or maybe just a plain old velvet black?

I love Kettle Chips!

2007-10-21T13:10:00.000+08:00

I've always loved Kettle Chips, and what do you know, they have a test to see which flavor you are! I took the test and got Dill and Sour Cream.

I am Good Taste with Initiative

I am revved up, man, I got get-up-and-go. I go after what you want with determination. But not at the expense of others. I'm compassionate and kind, balancing my drive and making me a natural leader. I'm willing to go to great lengths to achieve my dreams and I'm not afraid to keep on trying until I get it just right.

What do you think? Me, or not me? :)

I was hoping to get one of my favorite flavors: Cheddar Beer, Yogurt and Green Onion, or Classic Barbeque. Upon reading their descriptions, I realized that they all make up parts of me. Dill and Sour Cream included. Cool, eh?

too much of a good thing

2007-10-21T00:46:00.000+08:00

There's a problem with too much inspiration.

I can't leave the PC.

Photoshop keeps beckoning to me!

It's 1 in the morning!

Noooo!

I am stumped.

2007-10-16T12:36:00.000+08:00

I originally two layout ideas, but I'm not finding the inspiration to actually do them. Mostly because of a lack of resources (stock photos, to be exact), though that's no excuse! A true artist must be able to make do!

Haha. Outburst of passion. :p

Layout one - white background, with old rose and orange detail, elegant feel.
Layout two - black background, with blue and purple detail, surreal feel.

Which one will I be able to do first? Or which one will I be able to do successfully? :/

Layout two was supposed to be about seeing the universe--the cosmos, the stars, the planets, et cetera. Instead it ended up like this:

Not exactly what I was going for, though I'm happy with the outcome. Instead I made it into a piece for my DeviantArt account.

I hope layout inspiration comes soon!

SEMBREAK ZOMG

2007-10-13T10:13:00.001+08:00

Okay, I'm, like, totally feeling the sem break mood now. :D

I love it!

I wish I came with my own background music. :) But since I don't, I'm considering putting an MP3 player on this page. Hm.

I am totally in love with Daft Punk right now. I mean, I've always been, but I'm feeling the love. Harder, faster, better, stronger. Hahaha.

*having bad thoughts*

The Earthquake

2007-09-24T22:46:00.000+08:00

Last September 22, my high school friends and I went out again to celebrate Theresa's 20th birthday. Happy Birthday, dear. :)

It was fabulous. Lunch at Mingoy's in the Fort Strip, then cake at Miss Desserts at Serendra, then coffee at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. Delicious. It rained half the time, but that's okay.

Then, the makeup at the Face Shop. God, I love being girly.

Can't wait for October 16! Yay!

dinner and dancing is always a treat

2007-09-12T18:53:00.000+08:00

Went to dinner with high school friends last Saturday after a hard week's work (Prelim exams just finished--enough said). It was in celebration of dear Maria's 20th birthday. Happy Birthday, dear. Enjoy "twenteen," as you so vehemently call it. :)

Anyway, we ate dinner at Fez in Serendra. Food was alright, though the steaks in particular were lovely (the lamb especially). Went to Piadra afterwards in the Fort Strip and had some drinks; I have a new favorite, which is Choco Dream--it's comprised of Bailey's, Kahlua, and milk. Yum. And Piadra is probably the only place where I actually enjoyed a Weng-Weng, seeing as I usually hate vodka drinks and fruit-juice-based drinks. And why did I not get a goldschlagger? Damn it.

Embassy was next. Was on the VIP list, thanks to my lovely friend Niña, but never went to the VIP area because firstly, I prefer house music, and secondly, it was far too crowded.

Spending time with high school friends is always a rare treat for me; I was glad that I was able to meet them at least for a while. We really ought to go out some more.

But for now . . . Pharmacology awaits. Damn it.

I want sem break

2007-09-03T20:11:00.000+08:00

I should really be dragging my ass off my computer chair so that I could go back to studying. But all I can think of is rest and the weekend. Damn it.

Anyway, I've been crafting a list of 101 things I'd like to accomplish in my life. However, I think that I should make another list more timely for me: probably something like "101 things I would like to accomplish this semestral break."

On that list is, firstly, get a new layout for this selfsame blog.

On that list is, secondly, learn how to work with texture in Photoshop.

On that list is, thirdly, learn how to completely gothify my makeup.

But before I get to that . . . I really ought to study.

Fuck it.

Help.

2007-08-27T10:12:00.000+08:00

I need help.

Something inside me dies each passing day.

20 things to 20 people - part I

2007-08-17T08:48:00.000+08:00

Okay, it's infectious. Since Maria has her own, and Theresa has one as well, I just felt like making my own as well. :)

Here is a list of twenty things I'd like to tell twenty people. See if you can find yourself on the list!

1.) You aren't just my niece; you're one of my best friends too. :) I love you, and thanks for being such a wonderful part of my life!

2.) I've always admired how bubbly you are and how unique your personality is. Just keep your focus, and I'm sure you'll achieve great things. :) Here's to spreading femininity in a sea of testosterone! Haha.

3.) You've always been one of my partners in crime when it comes to coming up with nefarious plot bunnies. (We started coming up with these "plots" in 3rd grade! That was eleven years ago!) I'm glad that you can bring out the inspiration in me. I hope we can write together again someday when we aren't so busy, and I hope that Gin and Tenshi will continue to be best friends, just like their authors. ;)

4.) You're another of my partners in crime when it comes to coming up with plots to write (oh, God, the chronicles of Victoria), and you're one of my friends who have pretty much borne witness to my entire life. Thanks for coloring my life, and we ought to have lunch together soon!

5.) You are sweet, you know that? :) You planned a surprise birthday party for me! Haha. I miss you! You'll always be a winner to me.

6.) I miss you too! You planned the birthday party for me too! You're still my first "husband," no matter what. ;)

7.) You're my Haring Fernando, and you'll always be. ;) Hope buhay UP is doing you well. Miss you.

8.) I would love to work with you. I know you'll become a great doctor. Good luck with BS Chem! But take time out to see me (and us) because I miss you!

9.) Sometimes I feel that I don't really understand the inner workings of your mind, but that's fine. You're one of my friends, and that's all that matters.

10.) We used to be best friends. It's too bad that you (and I) had to change. But don't think that I've forgotten everything we've been through.

11.) It's amazing how we never thought we'd be close. Now, we spend hours upon hours on the phone. :) You're a kindred spirit, and I'm glad that I've gotten to know you; you're a swirl of color (ultramarine or peppermint?) in a sea of gray. (Or rather, in the sea of white that is Nursing.) You know that I'm here to be your friend, no matter what. I love you, dude. :)

12.) I admire how you can light up a room just by being present. I wish I could be as funny as you, but that's something I can't achieve because you have a special brand of your own humor. Too bad your tongue ring's gone!

13.) You can sit on my lap anytime. ;)

14.) I've liked you since first year; you were always pleasant companionship. You're quiet sometimes, but then, so am I, so it's nice to stay with you and be quiet once in a while. Haha. And I'd love to see you dance more!

15.) It's too bad we drifted apart. I tried to remain close friends with you, but I guess things just change. However, know that I'll always be your friend, and I'll always be around in case you need me.

16.) I'm glad I'm over you. It's more fun to hang out with you now that I'm over you.

17.) I think you're a great friend, and you're one of my best guy friends. Thanks for being there for me when I need help. And yes, you make great fridge cake. :)

18.) Thanks for being there for me too. I hope you get yourself a hamster soon. :)

19.) I do admire your leadership qualities. You're very talented, and I can see you going far in life. Good luck with everything, and know that if you need a friend, I'm just around.

20.) I'm getting over you. But I'm glad we're still friends.

There are still so many things I want to say to so many other people, but I guess I'll save that for a part two.

Umbrella [remix]

2007-08-13T19:05:00.000+08:00

I generally like the song Umbrella by Rihanna. In fact, it's the only song of hers I like.

But I heard Chris Brown's remix of the song today, and all I can say is . . . it's touching in a way that's totally unexpected. I fell in love with it.

I love the variation in the line "told you I'll be here forever" and Chris Brown's "you know I'll be here forever". There's a big difference in being told something and knowing something.

You're becoming a dream to me--
A fairytale fantasy
Nothing can never compare
An image to my memory
Girl, I'm asking, could you be my queen?
A vision on a magazine
That's when I'll be there
It's something we both share
Because

When the sun shines we'll shine together
You know I'll be here forever
Although it's a lot of rain outside
Girl, it's getting late and you can stay the night
But you can dip out anytime, whenever;
I can call a car, I ain't trying to stress ya
I'm looking for the one with the glass slipper
Baby girl you can be my Cinderella.

zoned-out and twisted

2007-08-12T13:40:00.000+08:00

I am, like, totally zoned-out.

I have to study Pediatrics (respiratory diseases) but I am zoned-out. I have to finish my PCR form and I am zoned-out.

Why am I so zoned-out? God.

Anyway.

I just watched Blades of Glory and I love it. It is so gay. Mwahaha. I'm totally crushing on Will Ferrell and Jon Heder right now. Mwahaha. (See how zoned-out I am?) Anyway, Blades of Glory combines two of the things I love watching the most: that is, ice skating and gayness. Put in a dash of corny, slapstick, or green humor, and you've got me going.

Simply orgasmic.

But why am I crushing on Will Ferrell? O.o

And it actually gets worse . . .

I'm crushing on Sacha Baron Cohen too! :x Since I watched the horrifically entertaining kiss Sacha and Will had on Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, plus the even more horrifying kiss they had during the MTV awards for winning Best Kiss, it was like . . . Well, first of all, Sacha Baron Cohen has always been entertaining (especially in Borat), but really, it changed my perception of him entirely to hear him speaking with impeccable British English. Then that kiss on MTV! It was horrific . . . horrifically hot. :x Oh, God. Oh, God.

See? Gayness.

And why am I crushing on Will Ferrell?

I don't know. I found him cute in Blades of Glory. (Gayness.) Maybe it was the catsuit. ("Catsuit.") That he wore when he did his first skating routine with Jon Heder. XD I've always had a thing for guys in catsuits . . . Take Justin Hawkins, for example. (Former lead singer from The Darkness. Mmm.) Or maybe it was him singing "Lady Humps" supposedly by the Black Eyed Peas. (Yes, it was "Lady Humps." XD) Or maybe it was just that terribly gay scene in which he did his skating routine with Jon Heder to the music of I Don't Want to Miss a Thing by Aerosmith--another of my favorite power ballads.

Or maybe it's Chazz Michael Michaels' slogan. "Clothing: optional."

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Yes, fine, I'm twisted.

I can't help it if I love the catsuit.

Mwahaha.

And, for more horror. . . .

The Sacha Baron Cohen and Will Ferrell kiss I was talking about. XD

God, that's hot.

Yes, no need to say it again. I'm twisted. And I love it. XD

I am only referring to one thing here, and that is not you.

2007-08-07T07:32:00.000+08:00

I need inspiration.

Existence is not life. It is merely a state of being.

I exist.

But
I want to be alive.

random thoughts

2007-07-15T13:49:00.000+08:00

I am glad that the OR shift is almost over. Night duty is hellish. (Imagine being in the OR for around 12 - 24 hours in a day.)

I want to go clubbing. (Which I will do as soon as I've got time.)

I want to go drinking. (Which I will do this Friday in Justin's house. Yay.)

I want Chinese food. (Hapchan!)

I have lots of stuff to do today and I am lazy. (Get off your lazy ass!)

I found something I wrote in high school:
"Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me."

XD

And that is all.

close the book

2007-07-07T16:12:00.000+08:00

Everything happens on a Friday.

And thus ends that.

NURSING AS WE KNOW IT

2007-07-02T19:24:00.000+08:00

Schedule tomorrow:
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
7 AM - 1 PM: Hospital shift in the OR
1 PM - 4 PM (subject to extention): Skills lab
6 PM - 6 AM of Wednesday, July 4, 2007 (subject to extention): Hospital night shift in the OR

I only have two hours of break in a 24-hour day.

And considering those who went before me during night shift, 6 PM to 6 AM doesn't really mean that it ends at 6 AM . . . In fact, the shift will probably end at around 10 AM or so. Of course, the moment you're participating in a surgery, you can't just leave even if it's time to go home.

And it would be great if I could just sit around idle for 18 hours of hospital work. But there is no such thing: the mind must always be sharp and keen, even in the wee hours of the morning. Your patients' lives depend on it. Literally.

SO.

THIS IS NURSING.

at the mercy of your keys

2007-07-01T20:56:00.000+08:00

I just felt like posting for no particular reason.

A while ago, while talking to a friend, she said, "Your life is cool. It's so real." (Real meaning that I actually do something worthwhile in my life--namely, study and do my hospital shifts in the OR.)

Real. Reality.

What if I said that I wanted a life away from reality? What if I said I dreamt of endless nights of magic and sorcery? What if I said I dreamt of dancing in fields of gold, with moonlight in my hair, and stardust in my hand?

Well, there is always a place for dreams. Besides, who said I could never dance under the moon, through fir groves and glens? Over hill, over dale, through bush, through briar? Such things can still exist. And I will have my own magic. While it isn't the magic that will allow me to talk to dragons and to see faeries, it is magic enough that I can sing and dance with gold in my eyes and you on my lips.

I love my life. Hospital by day, dreams and you by night.

I'm falling for you.

survey

2007-06-24T13:35:00.000+08:00

I do need a little happiness in my life. (Wow, I sound so acerbic.) So here is a survey.

1.Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4
"25 mcg I.V. every 4 to 6 hours, as needed". What? It was the Nursing 2006 Drug Handbook.

2.Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. Something you can reach?
A bag of Tostitos.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Martin Mystery.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:
2:05.

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
Oh, it's only 1:23.

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The song I’m listening to, which is Just So You Know by Jesse McCartney, as well as my niece downstairs talking to herself as children do.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Two days ago. I was in school, studying. Or trying to, anyway. Hello, pressure sores.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
My journal entries.

9. What are you wearing?
A green dress.

11. When did you last laugh?
Last night while reading some nurses' horror stories and charting bloopers. And a few hours ago, in the wee hours of the morning, while talking to Justin.

12. Seen anything weird lately?
Oh, I always see weird things. Does a dismembered colon count? Or a uterus with matching fallopian tubes and ovaries?

13. What is the last film you saw?
In the theater? Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. At home: The Incredibles.

14. Tell me something about you that I don't know.
I love Shaun the Sheep.

15. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I would make discrimination less of an issue.

16. Do you like to dance?
Yes! Dancing is life.

17. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
"You were a bitch, but you're cool."

cracked and decayed

2007-06-16T19:19:00.000+08:00

Oral surgery is murder. The ER is even worse. It is not a happy experience. One I would not rather discuss anytime soon.

I'm tired of lying to myself.

I'm tired of pretending around you.

I'm tired of being the empty embodiment of "hell hath no fury like that of a woman scorned", when in fact, I am a dying, withered husk of lies I myself believed.

I'm tired of wanting you, and I'm tired of wanting you to want me.

Want me, else leave--
leave my dreams
my thoughts
my flesh
my lips
my sight
my senses

Just leave.

Or want me.

2007-06-07T10:57:00.000+08:00

I'll he having my oral surgery tomorrow.

2007-06-02T19:24:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wonder if you ever really care.

Surprise!

2007-05-13T10:00:00.000+08:00

My friends are the best friends in the world.

After around a week of bedrest due to a goddamn flu, the only thing I had to look forward to was going to my friend's apartment to hang out with all of my friends. I was hoping with all of my might that I wouldn't be sick anymore come yesterday so that I could go and see them. Thankfully, I woke up Saturday morning feeling much better already. Except for a minor case of the sniffles, I had pretty much returned back to normal. I knew I couldn't swim with them though (swimming was part of our agenda for the day), seeing as I didn't want to push my luck with my health. Nevertheless, being able to see them for me was good enough.

I, however, noticed that they were rather elusive about the whole affair. It's either my friends are just really bad liars, or we've known each other for far too long that I can see right through them when they're hiding something. Haha.

In addition, I'd been wheedling them about what my birthday gift was, and they were all very secretive.

And, in even more addition, one of them may have accidentally hinted to me what was happening. Hahaha!

Nevertheless, I didn't expect much--because if my friends are bad liars, they're good fabricators--and went about my business.They'd even made up things like some of them couldn't make it, others would be late, et cetera. So, due to that, I really didn't expect much.

So, when I arrived at the apartment, what greeted me were blue and silver balloons, streamers, goodie bags, a huge cake, and all of my friends singing "Happy Birthday." They said that because I missed my birthday last time due to our busy schedules, they were making up for it then.

Awww!

Haha.

The night was wonderful. We just sat around, paraded dresses and swimsuits for one another, ate a lot, talked a lot, swam until we turned blue (well, they did anyway), and just enjoyed each other's company.

(However, we should all take note of everyone's allergies. Haha.)

Thank you so much, loves.
Maria, Ina, Jade, Theresa, Lara, and Niki, I really, really appreciate the efforts you guys put into celebrating my birthday with me. Thank you as well for all the wonderful gifts. Here's to growing even older together! Haha. I love you all! :)

See you this Friday! ;)

Oh, and what are the benefits of sex beside cake? XD

Humbug.

2007-05-11T16:00:00.000+08:00

I'm sick. Bah.

Shiroi . . . ♥

2007-05-02T18:25:00.000+08:00

As a belated (belated belated belated) Christmas gift, my lovely and wonderful friends from high school got me the Malice Mizer album Shiroi Hada ni Kuruu Ai to Kanashimi no Rondo, which is absolutely gorgeous. It only has two tracks, one of which is the song with the same name as the album, and the second which is the aforementioned song's instrumental version. However, it's addictive, and it's exactly what I needed. I'd missed my J-rock and my visual kei, seeing as I hadn't listened to that genre in a long time, and to hear Shiroi . . . was such a breath of life--it was as if I'd been stranded in an desert, and this was my first step back into an oasis.

My friends actually bought me the album to feed my long-standing obssession with Gackt, seeing as he was once the lead singer for Malice Mizer. However, upon closer inspection, they realized that Gackt was not in Malice Mizer at the time, much to their dismay. Initially, we thought that the album was released before Gackt joined Malice Mizer, but it turned out that the album was produced after he'd left. Shiroi came out in 2000, one year after Gackt's departure. The vocalist for Malice Mizer at the time was Klaha, who I must say is pretty good too. Anyway, Gackt or no Gackt, Malice Mizer is an entity all on their own, and I'm really happy that my friends gave me Shiroi Hada ni Kuruu Ai to Kanashimi no Rondo. Thank you, loves!

(And really, I always knew Mana was attractive, but this is so hot!)

And anyway, speaking of Gackt--my God, it's been that long since I'd last indulged in his music. The last album I got of his was Crescent back in 2003. (The year, ominously, before I entered college.) I terribly miss his work. And him. *snerk* I have to have the following albums, since they're the new one's I've missed: The Seventh Night, Love Letter, and, ultimately, DIABOLOS--which, I believe, is something of his return to J-rock/visual kei--and admittedly, that's where I like him best. ;) While it says in his discography that DIABOLOS is actually a continuation of the storylines of Moon and Crescent, the style to me is vastly different. But then, I haven't heard enough of it to really judge--which is why I must and should get those albums. ;)
So much is happening in the J-rock industry that it shocks me in the wake of the late news: apparently, Gackt's released a single recently: No Ni Saku Hana No Yo Ni, which I had the good fortune to hear on Music Station on the channel Animax. It's one of his ballad type songs, which I admit to liking, although admittedly, my favorite stuff of his are the darker ones, such as Nine Spiral, Mizerable, and even Vanilla, which isn't necessarily dark--just very BDSM. ;) (Ironic . . . BDSM = vanilla? I think not! XD) Anyway, moving on; he's due to release a new single this June, named Returner~Yami no Shuuen~. Can't wait. :)

But, I think the most surprising news for me is that apparently, Yoshiki formerly from X Japan and Sugizo formerly from Luna Sea will be joining Gackt in a collaboration! X Japan and Luna Sea are entities in the J-rock world, and both Yoshiki and Sugizo are famous and revered personalities. It's just shocking that three legends: namely, Yoshiki, Sugizo, and Gackt, formerly from three of the superpowers of the J-rock and visual kei world--X Japan, Luna Sea, and Malice Mizer--are joining in a collaboration. Although I suppose that this shouldn't be too shocking, seeing as Gackt and Hyde from L'arc~en~ciel have done Moon Child together.

I'm so excited! :D

And, to wrap it all up, as a reminder of what I used to be and what I suddenly remember myself to be:

wrap me in that leather and lace, and gag me with that silk, if you please.

summer--the most wonderful time of the year (aside from Christmas and other lovely holidays)

2007-04-27T09:43:00.000+08:00

I've just come from the Philippine province of Dagupan after visiting my cousin and his wife, who are now new parents! She gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on April 22, 2007, and the child is simply darling. My cousin seems awed that he's now a father, and the quiet joy on his face is very obvious. The families on both sides are rejoicing, and the two days I spent there were full of laughter, merriment, and, of course, food. (Dagupan is famous for its seafood after all, most especially the bangus--which I must say is simply superb.) In fact, that's what stands out the most in my memory--we were fed day and night, night and day. My uncle's a very good cook, and he made us sample many of his dishes while we were there.

We stayed at the rest house of my cousin's wife's parents (ah, the Filipino extended family), which is a pretty large estate right by the beach, the seashore being around a minute's straight, leisurely walk from the house. The house we stayed in was filled with around four more families on our side. The space in between the house and the beach was filled with tilapia ponds (from which the family would extract tilapia whenever they'd feel like it), a chicken coop, and a horse ranch. By the beach was a bamboo hut designed to allow people to sit and chat while the sea breeze blew past. Overall, it was a very idyllic place. I spent most of my time in the dining room, though. ;) And when we weren't eating, my extended family and I were either sharing jokes, playing games, or setting up friendly debates about one issue or another related to economics, philosophy, psychology, and what have you. (We regretted forgetting to bring the Scrabble--because really, that's our idea of fun.) Ah, I love my family.

Overall, I was very sad to leave (and my mom regretted leaving her family so soon as well), but hey, we're back here now, so nothing we can do. At least we were able to see everyone, and to send our well-wishes to the new parents, grandparents, and to the wonderful baby girl.

Anyway, now that I'm back in Manila, I have been busying myself as well; just yesterday, I went out with my favorite niece on my father's side, and we went swimming. (I'm very close to my family on both sides, as you may now notice.) Afterwards we ate extravagant portions at McDonalds, rendering our exercise useless. We've been meeting regularly this summer, but we're now setting up a weekly thing so that we can have movie marathons, go swimming, then eat excessively afterwards.

I swear, it seems like all I've done this summer is eat.

Anyway, tomorrow, I'm meeting up with some high school friends, which I'm of course looking forward to, as spending time with them is always a treat.

There're so many things to look forward to this summer, from activities, to outings, to movie-showings (such as Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End! which, of course, I'll be seeing three times--once with family, once with other side of the family, and another with friends!). And of course, the root of all this wonderful excitement is the free time. But aside from those things I've listed above, which are mostly interpersonal activities, I would also like to dedicate some time to more intrapersonal activities, such as my writing and my reading. I haven't indulged enough in my reading, and I haven't done any writing yet, much to my disappointment. Hopefully the Muses come by for tea sooner rather than later.

Overall, summer is looking very rosy, and I'm enjoying myself immensely. :) (Now, if only I had a reason to sing Grease's Summer Loving? Hm . . . Nah. :p)

Can't hardly wait!

winter of decay

2007-04-18T17:39:00.000+08:00

There are some things, I suppose, that just wilt away with time.
Some things that just fall into cold, silent sleep as winter creeps into them with its unforgiving spell,
until they have withered and are naught but forgotten husks: emptied, decayed,
frozen
frozen under the cold onslaught of empty nights and starwashed dreams.

---

That's why
Your eyes--I'm over it.
Your smile--I'm over it.
Realize
I'm over it.
I'm over it.
I'm over . . .

Wanting you to be wanting me--
No, that ain't no way to be.
How I feel--
read my lips,
because I'm so over . . .
Moving on, it's my time.
You never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first,
a little bit,
but now I'm so over.
I'm so over it.

I'm over your hands,
and I'm over your mouth.
Trying to drag me down,
and fill me with self-doubt.

Wanting you to be wanting me--
No, that ain't no way to be.
How I feel--
read my lips,
because I'm so over . . .
Moving on, it's my time.
You never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first,
a little bit,
but now I'm so over.
I'm so over it.

THE two-zero

2007-04-13T20:08:00.001+08:00

The big two-zero. Twenty!

Happy birthday to me!

Thanks to everyone for all the wonderful greetings. I appreciated each one.

While the age "twenty" still seems unreal in my head, I'm somehow accepted it on some level. In retrospect, 19 was such an excellent year; I don't think I've done quite as much in any other. I've made new friends; met new people; experienced new sights, sounds, and sensations both in the ward and out; and, I've learned so much more about myself, about my craft, and about the canvas that is the world. All in the year of 19. Fantastic.

Well, by the way things are going now, twenty promises to be just as exciting. I sincerely hope so.

And perhaps, quite ironically, it was meant to be that my current fascinations as of late have been civilizations and, more recently, time. (And perhaps consequently, space, for time and space travel are closely interrelated.) With the advancement of my own age, I suppose it's only natural for me to also consider the advancement of mankind and society as we know it. Anyway, from Civilization IV and Caesar IV--which deal with the rise of nations--to Back to the Future and A Swiftly Tilting Planet and The Time Machine--which deal with time and space travel--I've been exploring the past and future history of mankind--where have we been, and where do we think we're going? I have no clue as to the latter, and frankly, I feel that I'm better off not knowing--at least, with regards to the future millennia away. Still, the answers of those who have speculated before me have proven to be interesting to many.

I've done my research, and the novella The Time Machine by H.G. Wells is vastly different from the movie adaptation in 2002, which I just watched recently. (Note to self: procure a copy of The Time Machine novella by H.G. Wells for own personal consumption. Yes, I devour books.) Both, I think, are worth perusing, though. If you're into that sort of thing. (And perhaps I should read some Jules Verne as well?)

Anyway, enough blather for now. :) I think I can ramble about time and the fourth dimension et cetera some other time. Haha. Happy Birthday to me once again! Yay! And Happy 19th Birthday to my friend, Christian, who has the same birthday as me. :)

Thanks once again to everyone, and cheers!

You know what?

2007-04-10T00:00:00.000+08:00

- EDITED POST -

Last night, this post was seething with anger.

I am still angry this morning, but I find that there is nothing at all that I wish to say about the matter, except that I think I should not waste my time anymore with trifles such as these.

Am I a woman scorned?

Perhaps.

But most of all, I am a woman come to her senses.

take this love

2007-04-03T19:43:00.000+08:00

So, just met up with my friends to celebrate [Fuhrer] Niki's 18th birthday. It was, as always, good to meet up with them. Unfortunately, we can't quite decide on the date to go out again to celebrate my birthday, and so, I'm still uncertain as to when I shall see them next. But it's good enough for now that I know that I will see them again soon--we have a few things planned, so rest assured there is something exciting for me in the future. Haha. I just also went out with my favorite niece. It was lovely. It's always enjoyable to spend time with her.

Speaking of my birthday . . . Goddamn it. The big two-zero is creeping up on me faster than I'd like. Hopefully 20 has happier things in store? (That means I only have around ten days to enjoy the last of my teenage years. This is creepy. It's like waiting for the impending death of my childhood.)

Went shopping today. Bought myself a new flat iron, as well as a new top. I now want to buy the new vinyl stilettos I saw in People Are People. Am also dying to buy new makeup. Ah, vanity.

Just had a nightmare last night. I'm glad that dreams are just dreams.

I want to go clubbing. Hopefully tomorrow? ;)

Tomorrow!

And, as a last parting message:

I know what you're thinking;
Your eyes give you away.
We've been talking all night long
And there's nothing left to say.
It's a mutual emotion;
Nothing's standing in the way.

I've got this feelin' babe
That this was meant to be.
You've been playing hard to get;
I've waited patiently.
It just keeps getting harder -
There's a point of no return . . .

'Cause the heat is in the moment
And the moment's in your hands . . .

Take this love and let the night begin -
I want to give it all to you . . .
Time for you to show the way you feel -
You know how long I've waited . . .

I need a reason, a meaning in my life -
So open up and take this love tonight.

Too many wasted nights of hollow victories
But I know this time is diff'rent babe
'Cause you mean so much to me.
You're the answer to my questions
And I need the answer now . . .

'Cause the heat is in the moment
And the moment says it all . . .

Take this love and let the night begin -
I want to give it all to you . . .
Time for you to show the way you feel -
You know how long I've waited . . .

I need a reason, a meaning in my life -
So open up and take this love tonight.

Persian influence - again

2007-03-29T23:39:00.000+08:00

When I read my blog, why do I find it so uninteresting? Or is it just my life that I find uninteresting? Hah.

Anyway, so the past few days have been utterly glorious--sleeping whenever I fancy it, watching whatever I want to watch at whatever time I wish to watch it, using the phone without worrying about budgeting my time, and staying up in front of the PC until 4:30 in the morning playing videogames and not completing a Nursing Care Plan . . . oh, the decadency! The depravity! Glorious, I tell you. Simply sinful.

Is it me, or did that last paragraph sound like I was talking about cake? Chocolate, simply oozing fudge in between the layers, all soft and moist and melts-in-your-mouth-good? Nah, I realized that I describe cake in an utterly different manner.

Speaking of videogames, God, I'm addicted to two of them right now. One, of course, is Caesar IV. I could spend hours just setting up my cities and watching them thrive and flourish. I, of course, love the part where my city gets filthy rich. My city, mind you, and not me as governor, since I actually cannot put the money of the city into my personal treasury. The second one, which I'm only learning how to really play right now is Civilization IV. It's an empire-building game, as opposed to Caesar IV, which is only a city-building game. And while Caesar IV is set solely within the history of the Roman rule, Civilization IV is like reliving world history. Such lovely contrasts between both. Both are highly addictive, and if you're a control freak who would enjoy building cities and empires, I suggest that you try them.

And speaking of empire-building . . . I just watched 300 recently--yes, I know it's late, but I've only had time to whittle away now. And good lord . . . It was absolutely delicious. The dialogue in some parts was just laughable though. However, the cinematography was lovely, and the scantily-clad men . . . Delicious in an entirely different way. As for the main characters . . . Gerard Butler has always been a favorite (particularly in The Phantom of the Opera and in Timeline), and he did not disappoint me now. David Wenham as well. Loved him as Faramir from The Lord of the Rings, loved him as the mousy-friar-who-gets-laid in Van Helsing, and I absolutely adore him as Dilios. And Queen Gorgo (Lena Headey) was so bitchily hot! Astinos, the brave son, was cute too. However, hmm . . . Xerxes, the Persian "god"-king, was not at all intimidating to me. In fact, he seemed rather gay. (Sorry.) But in defense . . . he was oddly sexy still. Gay, and yet sexy. That make-up, those piercings, that jewelry, that amazingly-fake-but-sinfully-delicious voice . . . Oh, God. Yum. The decadence.

On the side note of "gayness," I wasn't at all surprised--in fact, I was rather expecting it--when 300 had many, many allusions to homosexuality. It was, after all, a very rampant way of life in the old world. Another allusion to history that I enjoyed was Sparta's "condescendence" towards the Athenians when it came to combat. After all, Athens was the center of culture . . . and, as King Leonidas said, full of "philosophers and boy-lovers" (again there's that allusion to pederasty) whereas the Spartans were the warriors. (Although I did read in my research that the Spartans practiced pederasty as well--in fact, as part of the agoge--but were not allowed to consummate that relationship.)

On another side note, I've always loved Persian literature. It's now interesting to see something from the other side of the spectrum.

Anyway, moving away from history and back to the film . . . as my friend said, 300 is such a "guy" film. But it was enjoyable for a girl like me too. ;) And to those who implied that it would have too much gore . . . They obviously don't know me that well. Hah.

And my goodness, Xerxes is my guilty pleasure.

"Spartans! What is your profession?"

You all know what comes next. ;)

Well, I've done my share of rambling for tonight. And now, I feel like turning off my PC and watching another film right now. And, in sheer contrast to 300 . . . I think I'll watch Pride and Prejudice.

Good night.

on to the thousand miles.

2007-03-25T00:30:00.000+08:00

It's 12:30 A.M., and I am awake--not because I have homework to finish, more chapters to read, or a project to finalize--but because I want to be awake, and I can be awake at this point im time with no ill consequences.

In other words--I am free!

The summer has come, and I am free! :D

After celebrating the end of the year yesterday with four good friends over a pitcher of the worst margarita I've ever had, I'm now safe at home, hangover-free, and . . . just . . . free!

It's surprising how time has zipped past me, and how a day can seem like a lifetime at a certain hour, and yet seem like a second a moment later. I spent the entirety of my second year tired. I lived life one week at a time, ticking off week per week until each weekend, until each day without class, as if these days, these lapses from class, were oases in the desert of my life. And now, I find myself swimming in an ocean of free time! Truth be told . . . I'm loving every minute of it. XD

It seems like yesterday that I was being introduced to the four types of parenteral administration of drugs, to anatomy and physiology, to microbiology, to the fundamentals of the Nursing practice. And then came obstetrics and pediatrics. I still remember the thrills of the first time. The first time to be able to give an intramuscular injection; the first time to be able to write in a patient's chart; the first Nursing history, the first Nursing Care Plan . . . until the first delivery of a newborn, and the first cord care.

It's amazing how for we've all come, and yet . . . it's amazing how far we still have to go.

Third year, they say, is the most hellish of them all. Medical-Surgical Nursing, Pharmacology, and Psychiatric Nursing are but a few of our subjects. There's still so much road to walk.

But I'm glad that I'm past those first few steps. Now, on towards the final thousand miles.

There's still so much to look forward to, and already a lot to look back upon. I have my fond memories of my friends and my experiences. I met someone new. I have one last summer to enjoy myself and to revel in the things and with the people I love most. Funnily enough, today has been filled with memories of what I used to love the most in life. (One reminder actually came in the form of T.V.--I saw Gackt. After a quite some time. I had to physically restrain myself from screaming and waking the neighborhood.) It's amazing that all these reminders just had to come today--the first day of the last summer of my life as a student.

To all of the friends who have made this year special: Justin and Paola, thank you for coloring my life. And, to my RLE groupmates--Elaine, Yanie, Cara, Chingcle, Ivan, Benzon, Ella, and Cai: thank you for every moment we spent together, whether it be productive or lazy, whether it be over a project, in the delivery room, or in the breastfeeding room. And, lastly, to him--Carpe diem. ;)

I can't believe this is it.

Carpe diem.

I truly enjoyed second year. Here's to whatever will come my way next. Cheers!

me in the macrocosm

2007-03-21T16:54:00.000+08:00

Right now, I really feel like watching a movie or reading a book in which the protagonist deals with something much larger than himself or herself--something essential to the balance of all things, or something for the good of mankind and the world as we know it.

This is the effect of the game Civilization IV, in which the opening sequence shows you the dawn of civilization on the world, and in which the opening menu plays a hauntingly beautiful song called Baba Yetu--which is actually The Lord's Prayer in Swahili. To hear something like The Lord's Prayer in Swahili seems to remind you of the Lord's presence even before the birth of Christ and His presence in the advent of all things. And to think that Civilization IV is about bringing to life a successful empire--and with The Lord's Prayer as the opening song, it kind of makes you think twice about "The Kingdom of God on Earth"--Thy kingdom come; thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven, after all.

Leave it to me to dissect and analyze a video game. Well, considering the game, it isn't all that unusual, since the game features classical pieces as its background music and gives you maxims from history, the Bible, and philosophy as your cornerstones as you build your empire. Since it's an intelligent game in itself, I suppose it's not all that surprising that it generates analytical thought.

Anyway, back to my original note: I feel like watching or reading something epic in proportions. Something to do with the battle between the Light and the Dark. Or something about saving the world. I'm thinking The Lord of the Rings, but I've watched that several times. Although admittedly, I'm more interested in something with religious, Christian undertones--something like A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle. Or perhaps The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis. Although I wouldn't mind something along the lines of Dragonlance. Or perhaps something in which the protagonist realizes that there's something else to the world, something bigger and more macroscopic--like in Neverwhere or in Stardust both by Neil Gaiman. Or perhaps The Time Machine by H.G. Wells, both the movie or the book. I wonder . . .

I guess this is just me, thinking about how microscopic I am really in comparison to the vastness and the intricacies of this cosmos.

Sigh.

Baba Yetu

2007-03-18T14:01:00.000+08:00

Hm. I want a new layout. The one I have in mind is all washed-out, but I want something dark and striking as well.

It's the influence of Civilization IV. It is sheer brilliance. I particularly love the soundtrack.

Stop haunting my dreams.
Unless you plan to be there when I wake.

I should be studying.

I'm doing English, though.

Baby, can I hold you tonight?

2007-03-12T21:52:00.000+08:00

"I love you," is all that you can't say.
Years gone by and still
Words don't come easily.
Like "I love you."

I love you.

But you can say,
"Baby . . .
Baby, can I hold you tonight?"

"Baby, if I told you the right words
At the right time
You'd be mine."

awaiting a shower of sparks

2007-03-09T16:47:00.000+08:00

Once again, the end of the school year approaches, and already I am desirous for it all to end. I am feeling the slow creep of the days more acutely now, and I find myself anxiously waiting with bated breath.

I had football once again today, and as per usual, I played keeper. I dove for the first time today and ended up scraping both knees. Pity. Our team ended up 4th place in the end standings. Another pity, since we were in 2nd previously. Never mind; I shan't dwell on it, for doing so will only make me sad. Better to focus on what fun I did dave.

By next week, my academic subjects will be ending as well, and finally, the year will be over. What a year it was.

However, before the school year winds to a close, there is still one thing that I am waiting for.

Intimacy vs. Isolation?

I've made up my mind.

Carpe diem. ;)

So much to write . . .

2007-02-20T19:55:00.000+08:00

So little time and inspiration.

As always, I am tired. What is new these days? Still, I find myself in a relatively good mood. :)

I have three quizzes tomorrow and one reporting. I shall survive them all somehow.

Football is fun. Being keeper is fun. :D Too bad, though; this week's football was cancelled because P.E. was dedicated to Filipino games. Our game is Agawan Buko (or something like that--roughly translated to fight for the coconut XD) and it actually sounds intriguing.

Nursing is hellish. But it's tough love. And I'm just repeating myself, aren't I? ;)

Carpe diem.

relief

2007-02-11T01:26:00.000+08:00

It's 1:30 A.M. and I'm still awake.

After the sob-fest I had in school last Friday, I'm glad to have been able to meet up with my high school friends today (or rather, yesterday, as it is now Sunday).

I had a good time. :) There were some unpleasant moments, but otherwise, the evening was nice.

I'm glad.

stress = cryptic

2007-02-06T15:49:00.000+08:00

It's prelims week. Lots to study.

I'm the leader of our school nursing activity. Have to chase after my CI and the dean to have them sign my letter to the principal of the elementary school my RLE will be visiting. Am tired. However, I must offer my thanks to my RLE groupmates, Elaine, Chingcle, and Caren, who waited with me and went with me to the school, despite their busy schedules. Thanks lots, guys.

Lots to submit.

No more LTS. Yes. Sweet relief.

I want a decent weekend. Or, better yet, I want summer.

I don't like OAV's. Not RK's, not GB's, not Ranma's. Ew. The anime series are always, always, always my favorites. Not even manga's. I like the series best.

Maybe I am in Role Confusion after all.

Can't wait for Jade's party. Razorbacks, however, are not exactly my thing. No matter how lacy or glittery they are. Though I would wear them should they be flattering enough--as will be the case during the party this Saturday.

I want to watch TV.

Must study.

Psychosocial Development

2007-01-28T17:43:00.000+08:00

I really should be finishing my Nutrition project right now, but it's been a while since I've documented my thoughts, and so, I think that I should take this opportunity to do so once again. I've always been thinking and starting prospective entries in my head, but I've never had the time to finish them.

Life, as of late, has been a whirlwind of activity. Once again it has succumbed into the routine of sleep, wake up, go to school, study, eat, go on hospital rounds, go home, eat, study some more, sleep. My weekends have also been full as of late, occupied with various school activities. Suffice it to say, I haven't had a decent day's rest for a month. Save yesterday, which I dedicated to watching TV--which, in all honesty, I meant to dedicate to all the things I have to accomplish for tomorrow. Now, I wonder if I'd made the right decision by procrastinating yesterday and piling up all my work for today.

Well, all I can say is that hey, I need the damn break too.

In all honesty, I am tired.

All that's keeping me sane right now are my friends, the rare parties that I actually get to attend, and, of course, Ranma 1/2. I need a break from real life too! Thanks, Joemel, for giving me such a wonderful Christmas present. I try to watch it as often as I can because first of all, it's been a while since I've enjoyed an anime series. Second, as I've mentioned, I need a break from real life!

In light of that, and in an entirely different light altogether, I've been thinking . . . What stage am I in Erick Erickson's 8 Stages of Psychosocial Development? Most adolescents and young adults at this age are either at Role Identity vs. Role Confusion, or at Intimacy vs. Isolation, or both. In my case, I've given this much thought. I'm definitely no longer in the Role Identity vs. Role Confusion Stage; in fact, I've probably left it several years ago. I'm sure of what I want in life, sure of where I'm going, sure of my goals and ambitions, and pretty much sure of my resources and strengths, as well as my weaknesses. Of course, the questions come once in a while, but they don't plague me as much as they do other people. The next stage then, in the proper order of things, would be Intimacy vs. Isolation. And, I suppose that it's really where I am. While I don't find myself actively searching for a boyfriend, a fiance, and most definitely not a spouse, I suppose that I have to acknowledge the part of me that is searching. While I have no prospects as of late, and I'm perfectly happy being single, I have to acknowledge that at some point, I'll be unhappy being single. I ask myself, what will I do when that time comes?

Oh, well. Better to cross that bridge when it comes.

As of now, I'm happy being single and free.

Question is, when will I start being unhappy?

Hopefully, not anytime soon.

I wonder, what with Valentine's Day just round the corner . . .

Asthma Blues

2007-01-14T18:55:00.000+08:00

It's very hard to type right now. My hands are shaking because of my anti-asthma medication.

Well, looks like I'm going to be paying for all the caffeine, eggs, and chicken I've been ingesting lately. I should've known better and resisted the urge to eat those yummies because I know they trigger my asthma, but I couldn't, and now, my lungs are suffering the consequences.

Goddamn asthma.

Or should I say, goddamn self-control?

Hm.

Either way, I'm paying the price.

I've been put on a month's medication.

Good luck to me. And good luck with my month's worth of tremors.

Hell

2007-01-09T17:38:00.000+08:00

These past few days of school have been murderous. I don't know if it's because I'm still in vacation-mode or simply because there's just been an excessive amount of work. Perhaps it's a mix of both.

For starters, the first day of school already had duty in the Nursery, in which the highlight was when we performed cord care on the neonates. Then, we were informed of our impending workload. A case presentation, a pre-test on infancy, and twelve hours of straight duty during our weekend. I went home battered that day, but it still wasn't so bad; I still had time to stop over a friend's house and to chat a bit.

Thursday . . . well, suffice it to say that it was carnage. Hospital duty was fine . . . except that we were scolded probably every waking moment. There were only eight out of ten of our complete attendance that day, and we were divided into two groups of four in handling various assignments. Unfortunately, my group couldn't seem to comprehend or to execute anything to our professor's satisfaction. In the end, we were told to just sit there because we couldn't do anything right in the eyes of our CI. It was heartbreaking. But there was some good news; instead of having our make-up duty during the weekend, our professor moved it to Friday. We thought it would be a relief.

Unfortunately not.

Friday was the day that killed me. I tripped and sprained my ankle walking to lunch (and not even playing football, which was my P.E. that morning), I forgot my white shoes and had them sent over, only to recover them in the nick of time, almost having myself run over in my haste to fetch them. Nothing in duty seemed to go right. And my classmate revealed a secret about me to my professor that I really did not want her to know.

Goddamn it.

But, that wasn't the end of it.

I had a Nutrition project to finish during Saturday. The first part of it was pretty disappointing because of the location, and so was the middle because my friend suddenly went into dysmenorrhea of catastrophic proportions. The latter was nice, though. Spending time with my RLE group is always a pleasant experience, even though we are battered and bruised together.

Sunday was dedicated to going to my area in LTS to teach our student. Fate wasn't finished with me yet. Me and two of my other friends ended up assigned to a higher year level, so the lesson plans that we slaved away on turned out to be useless. So, that's more to my workload.

Yesterday. Well. The abysmal scores of my monthly exams were enough to make it horrible (except for one test--English--in which I scored second highest in class).

And today. I'm glad it's the Feast of the Black Nazarene today, or else I would've still had class.

Unfortunately, I have lots to do. And I'm tired already. And it's just the first few days of school.

I want to write.

My aunt's in the hospital. I'm praying for her.

Where is summer?

No rest for the weary.

Happy New Year!

2007-01-02T19:42:00.000+08:00

It's time to go back to school tomorrow. My bags are packed--scrub suit and paraphernalia at the ready, books and notebooks safely secured and tucked into their proper places. Technically, I should be prepared for classes tomorrow. However, it doesn't feel that way. My things are ready, but I'm not! I wish that vacation wasn't over yet!

Well, what a wonderful way to start the year--being lazy and pessimistic, that is. Snerk.

Unfortunately, I can't help but dread school because I knew that the hell months are coming up. What with the pending Nutrition projects, Literacy Training Service outreaches, murderous shifts, and what have you on top of our usual daily grind--suffice it to say that I need my Recommended Daily Allowance of carbs and proteins with a good dose of supplemental vitamins to keep me going.

I wish I could say, "At least I only have three months of school left!" Unfortunately, that is not the case. Those three remaining months will actually be the cause of our excessive stress. The professors will cram everything we have to know into those three scant months--I've seen it happen before, and I figure it'll come again. Sigh. Well, never mind; at least there are only three months of school left. I shall just have to keep a stiff upper lip.

On a brighter note, Christmas vacation was great. Parties everywhere! :) I cannot count how many times I was fed lechon during the numerous parties! My dad just turned 63 as well, and we had a great bash held at our place. We came to know of the wonder and the horror that is Magic Sing. ;)

I also got to write again this break, for which I'm thankful. I'm still a bit rusty, but I'm beginning to (hopefully) pick up from where I left off. It's just too bad that now that I've gotten into the groove again, it's time to go back to school. Wait, I'm dampening my own spirits here.

I was also able to re-view my favorite anime, which I've mentioned in my previous post. Ureshii. :)

I also received a number of very lovely gifts this Christmas! Thanks to everyone who was so kind as to give me some really great presents. :) In fact, I have a book review coming up of After the Quake by Haruki Murakami, which was given to me by my good friend Paola. It was a really riveting read. (Hey, an alliteration!) Thanks, dear. :)

New Year was fantastic as well. On December 31st, my family and I just stayed up, watched movies and drank and ate all night, then went out to light our fireworks and to watch the fantabulous display of firecrackers filling the rest of the night sky. The next day, we had a small get-together at my aunt's house in which I ate some more and played with my all-too-charming nieces.

It sort of makes me sad that New Year means that I'm going to turn one year older as well. I'm leaving my teenage years, much to my chagrin. While I do have a few resolutions, I suppose that the first on my list is to just have fun--as much as I can, anyway. I'm turning twenty, and I'm beginning to feel the pressures of adulthood from both my family and from the academic setting. So, while this year will mark the start of something new for me, I want to maximize what fun I can have while still being responsible.

As for the other resolutions . . . I'm just keeping those to myself for a while. ;)

Concerning the season, there are a few regrets, but one that bothers me the most is probably that I was unable to meet up with my high school friends during the Christmas break. Our schedules just didn't seem to coincide. Well, at least we kept in touch. Guys, let's meet up when we can, alright? See you soon! :)

Well, I wish that I could sleep late tonight, just writing away--yes, I feel like writing now, much to my utter joy and pleasure--but it seems that that is not meant to be. School beckons. So, looks like I'll be turning in in a while.

Belated Happy New Year!

Oyasumi nasai.

We wish you a Merry Christmas!

2006-12-24T18:07:00.000+08:00

Adeste fideles,
Laeti triumphantes;
Venite, venite in Bethlehem;
Natum videte,
Regem Angelorum:

Venite adoremus,
Venite adoremus,
Venite adoremus Dominum!

It's Christmas Eve! Merry Christmas! :D

Well, I've got to dash now; lots of parties on my list. ;)

And, on a more mischievous note:

Santa Baby,
Just slip a sable under the tree
For me
Been an awful good girl
Santa Baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, a '54 convertible too
Light blue
I'll wait up for you, dear
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Think of all the fun I've missed
Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed
Next year I could be just as good
If you'll check off my Christmas list

Santa Baby, I want a yacht and really that's not
A lot
Been an angel all year
Santa Baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa honey, one little thing I really need
The deed
To a platinum mine
Santa Baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa cutie, and fill my stocking with a duplex
And cheques
Sign your 'x' on the line
Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Come and trim my Christmas tree
With some decorations bought at Tif-fa-ny
I really do believe in you
Lets see if you believe in me

Santa Baby, forgot to mention one little thing
A ring
I don't mean on the phone
Santa Baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry . . . tonight!

;)

all coming back

2006-12-23T10:32:00.000+08:00

Well, for the past week, I've been pretty much down for the count for a while because of a rather nasty bout of flu. However, I'm on my way to full recovery, for which I'm glad. (And before Christmas, too.)

Lately, I've been re-watching my anime DVD collections--I've just finished watching Rurouni Kenshin, and I'm now watching Get Backers. I've really missed watching anime. I'd forgotten how wonderfully brilliant Rurouni Kenshin is. I remember now why it's one of my favorite anime series. As for Get Backers, I'm enjoying it again as well. I love the complexity of the plot and the complexity of the characters both in Rurouni Kenshin and in Get Backers.

A friend of mine told me that he bought me the entire series of Ranma 1/2 for Christmas! Yay! Thank you, Joemel. :D

I still want to write some more. I feel like I'm getting rusty! I need to practice.

And, in relation to writing (which is reading), I read the newspaper today and saw that J.K. Rowling's revealed the title of the 7th book in the Harry Potter series: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I'm very interested in seeing what will happen next, although I wait with bated breath, because J.K. Rowling has revealed that more major character deaths will follow. I really don't want to read of the death of any of my favorite characters (and that would be Ron, Hermione, and Draco). There are rumors and speculation that J.K. might kill Harry off, which I really don't want to happen--it would really spoil my liking for the entire series if the hero were to die in the end.

Seems like a lot of my old fandoms have been coming to haunt me recently . . . Hmm . . .

Speaking of which, I want to make a new layout . . . I've got the idea, but I wonder if I can pull it off, or will I just forget it eventually. *sigh*

It's Christmas eve tomorrow! Can't wait. :)

return

2006-12-13T19:33:00.000+08:00

Two years ago, I made the decision that led me to where I am today.

I don't regret it.

I love where I am, and I wouldn't leave this path for the world.

However, in choosing the road that I trek today,

I turned my back on what I once was,

and a part of me left behind the things I loved the most.

(Though not completely, of course; the things I love are within me, and there they shall remain until the end of my days. However . . .)

Now, when the flesh is willing but the spirit is weak . . . (Yes, I did mean it that way . . .)

I find that my thoughts return to those days and to those things which I loved--and still love--most.

[Alas,] My soul cannot have room for everything at the same time.

Nevertheless, I will try.

Two years ago, I made the decision that led me to where I am today.

I don't regret it.

Though I do regret leaving behind the dreams and phantasms I once cherished--and still cherish.

Nevertheless . . .

The candle is still lit. The dark room beckons.

And someday, someday soon, I shall return and start from where I left off.

And so . . .

Oyasumi nasai.

favorite movies

2006-12-02T18:55:00.000+08:00

In my entire 19 years of existence, when asked what my favorite movies are, I would always answer, "The Back to the Future trilogy!" without hesitation.

Now, I find that my favorite trilogy may actually be sharing a spot at the top! :0

That is because upon evaluation, I have seen that I love love love Pirates of the Caribbean, both The Curse of the Black Pearl and Dead Man's Chest. Why? Because both are exceptionally wonderful brews of history, literature, and mythology placed into one--or rather, two, soon to be three--amazing films with great plot, great intrigue, and a storyline with just the right balance of fact, myth, and fiction. Plus, it's a movie that makes me think. And it's got a fabulous sountrack. Delicious.

So . . . if Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End is going to be as spectacularly mind-boggling and fantastic . . .

The Pirates trilogy will definitely make it to the top spot of my favorite movies, along with my original Back to the Future trilogy.

I'm so excited! :D

Come to think of it, okay. I will ask myself again:

What are your favorite movies?

My answer now is:

"Why, the Back to the Future trilogy and the two existing Pirates of the Caribbean movies!"

Wait . . . actually, let me make an addition to that that I also just recently realized.

"Why, the Back to the Future trilogy, The Lord of the Rings trilogy, and the two existing Pirates of the Caribbean movies!"

Hopefully At Worlds End will make it to the list, though I'm pretty sure it will.

Yay! :D

Finally.

2006-11-30T09:08:00.000+08:00

I've been waiting for this day a very long time.

It has finally happened.

the long and winding road

2006-11-25T15:10:00.000+08:00

I'm tempted to break out into song, but I shall resist. :)

There's so much to say! I've been so busy lately that I haven't had time to post my activities, but I am taking the opportunity now to do so.

First things first: I'm surviving the second semester. It looks like a lot of hellish work, but hey, I'll get through it. I'll get by with a little help from my friends. :)

(Still can't resist putting in lines from The Beatles' songs, it seems.)

Secondly: I have been capped! :D November 14 is now a monumental day in my life. Vicci now wears a cap! Whoo-hoo!

Thirdly: I have witnessed my first two deliveries! :D The first mother had twin boys, and the second one had one baby boy. I'm so thrilled!

(On a side note, birthing is a seriously bloody business. When I say bloody, I mean bloody. Like, the floor and walls are splattered with blood bloody. And according to my brother, most surgeries are like that. Hm.

Thought I wouldn't be able to eat afterwards, but I was wrong. I was ravenous after six hours of watching two women give birth. Haha!)

I'm loving Nursing more and more. The work is increasing, but hey. I don't know why you say 'goodbye'; I say 'hello'. ;)

Recently, I have attended two friends' debuts as well. They were both stunning, and I had a blast during both events. Happy 18th birthday once again to Jana and to Val, both dear friends and companions. :)

And that is all. Ta!

I don't want to go to school yet!

2006-11-03T13:35:00.000+08:00

Well, school's starting on November 6. That's this Monday.

I don't want to go to school yet! Can't I at least have a week more of sem break? :(

enrollment, schedule, and grades

2006-10-26T18:21:00.000+08:00

Enrollment took place yesterday. Well, it was your usual grueling ordeal--hours of waiting in line for a process that takes all of fifteen minutes. I'm glad it's over. The highlight of the day was of course, meeting up with Just and Pao and many other classmates.

I've also gotten my schedule, which I do not like very much: 7 AM - 4 PM during Mondays and Tuesdays, and 7 AM - 6 PM (with hospital duty from 12 NN - 6 PM) on Wednesdays and Thursdays. Fridays are free days. Or they would have been, had they not been dedicated to P.E.. Football, 7 AM - 9 AM. At least I'm with Just, Pao, and some other classmates. One thing of interest, though, is that those with me will witness my astounding physical prowess--which will probably manifest itself in the way I so gracefully trip all over myself while chasing down the ball. Ah, yes. Something to look forward to.

A random thought: I used the word "grueling" in the second sentence of my first paragraph, and I just had to think about its etymology. Gruel is a thin, watery porridge--otherwise known as lugaw in vernacular. So when something is grueling, does that mean that this grueling thing has the ability to reduce you into nothing but lugaw?

Anyway, moving on. I also had got my grades yesterday. But before I get to the verdict about my grades, the process of getting my grades is a far more interesting story. Just and I waited in line to get our grades; we arrived at 11:30 in the morning . . . and left at past 2 in the afternoon. That was because people ahead of us were getting grades not just for themselves but probably for entire goddamn battalions as well. The entire process took so long and was just so tiresome . . . mostly because a lot of people were very inconsiderate about those in line behind them.

The guy behind me said some memorable things that day in his fits of anger, one of which was: "Siguro nagrorosaryo muna sila bago nila kunin yung grades nila."

Well, I loved his dry humor. It certainly took a bit off the edge of waiting endlessly in line.

In between fits of rage and exasperation, I amused myself--or tried to, anyway--with many sundry and mundane things, such as surfing the internet through my phone and taking pictures. There is one shot in particular that I liked.

I named it, simply enough, Silence--the silence that speaks of many, many things. The silence of solitude in a world of noise, and, more aptly describing what Just and I felt that day while we waited in line for our grades: the silence of the calm before the storm.

Thanks to Justin for being the unsuspecting model. ;) (Or is it victim?)

And finally, as for the grades themselves? Well, I'm very pleased with them. :) That's all I shall say about the matter.

That concludes the update on my life.

I'm going to that Capping and Pinning Ceremony! Whoo-hoo!

to and back by candlelight

2006-10-22T16:47:00.000+08:00

If you were to ask me how my sem break has been, I will answer you with only one word:

Absolutely brilliant!

That's two words, I know, but the real answer there is "brilliant," so I still win. Haha.

Why, you ask?

Well, first of all, I'm not stressed out. It's been forever since I haven't been worried about one thing or another. I just realized how tightly wound my nerves have been, and now that I'm getting to heal and do things at my own pace, I feel so much lighter.

Secondly, I'm getting to read novels again! I just bought myself Stardust by Neil Gaiman (which I've been meaning to read for the longest time) and Arabian Nights (I have the censored and shorter version, haha, so now I took the opportunity to buy the complete unabridged version). Both are marvelous. I haven't finished Arabian Nights, but Stardust is definitely a new favorite now. It has a similar feel to Neverwhere, although Neverwhere was a bit darker and more "underworld"-esque as compared to Stardust. I liked all the characters of Stardust, with the exception of one who I hated with a passion--Victoria Forester. Aside from her, though, everyone was intriguing, and I enjoyed following their stories. It's definitely a good read.

Thirdly, and most importantly, I got to see my friends from high school! We went out last Friday to celebrate the start of sem break. We had dinner then hit the club for some dancing and drinking afterwards. It was great. Except that my shoes were murder. And I didn't get to take any decent pictures in the club. (Well, mostly because I didn't look decent anymore at two in the morning after dancing for two hours.) Ah, well. I still had a fabulous time. ;)

People, when're we going out next? ;)

One strange thing happened in the club, though. Some Americans wanted to take a picture of me. Not a picture with me, but a picture of me. I, of course, declined, as the situation was far too strange for my liking. Haha.

Anyway, that's the end of my update for now. I, as of now, love my life.

Sem break is wonderful.

tempus fugit

2006-10-17T10:52:00.000+08:00

It is truly amazing how time just slips past one's fingers.

It was only a few months past when I ventured into the unknown world of what Nursing truly is. And now, a semester has wound to a close. I have survived a semester of internship. I have survived a semester of hospital and health center duty. I have survived a semester of Anatomy and Physiology, Microbiology-Parasitology, Fundamentals of Nursing Practice, and Community Health Nursing.

But it does not end here. I've got five more semesters to go. Five more semesters of hard work and sleepless nights--five more semesters weeping sweat, blood, and tears.

I can't wait. ;)

To all my friends, most particularly Paola and Justin, who made this semester not just worthwhile but simply fantastic--and to all those who have crossed my path and made their impressions on the tabula rasa of my life--thanks. Here's to the future. Cheers!

And now . . .

Capping and Pinning Ceremony, here we come!

just a few more steps

2006-10-11T16:29:00.000+08:00

Well, one step of the journey is almost done. It's finals week this week, and I've already taken two out of five exams. Two more to go tomorrow, then one last one during Friday.

It's been quite a journey, this semester. But it isn't over until it's over. Three more exams to go, then the dreaded, horrific grades. (Guh.)

However, there is something to look forward to: semestral break. :D

And of course, the Capping and Pinning Ceremony in which Vicci starts looking like a real nurse.

Wish me luck!

Dangerous?

2006-10-01T12:48:00.000+08:00

"He thinks too much. Such men are dangerous."
--Act 1.Scene 2.Line 205 of William Shakespeare's Julius Caesar

Well, perhaps I am guilty of the crime of too much rumination. However, in my defense, my thoughts are nothing impressive nor threatening, for they are mostly of an intrapersonal nature. It may be acknowledged, though, that I am dangerous--mostly to myself, mostly because I think too much, question too much.

How, you ask, did this come about?

Well, I ate lunch alone today. And when one performs ritual, mundane activities without company--thus, without anyone to converse with--one ends up conversing with one's self. Don't say that that is not true--observe yourself, and you will find that you do the same. Except conversation with one's self is not a dialogue or even a monologue (unless you are strange); it is as simple as introspection. What will I do later, after I eat? This is good steak. Those thoughts are conversation with one's self in itself, are they not?

Anyway, I found my thoughts wandering along many sundry and various things, from the quality of my viands to flights of fancy to the wonders of Command & Conquer - Generals. However, there is one realization, both in mind and body that is making itself known to me with much vehemence and whacking over the head--I have a sudden influx of hormones due to the approaching "time of the month," and it's driving me up the wall. And my thoughts dwelt on this monthly phenomenon for quite some time.

My nerves feel stretched to breakpoint, and I'm agitated and restless. I swing in between fits of wistfulness, sappiness, or just sheer rage. It is both sad and amusing--if only I could view it from an outsider's point of view.

In conclusion, I have thought about this a great deal, and I actually know what I need--or the number of things I need, rather. First: I need a romantic, sappy, sob-story movie with a lot of twists and a happy ending to temporary rid myself of the histrionics that accompany PMS. Second: I need to play a lot of Command & Conquer--that is, so that I don't channel my road rage into other things, like attacking innocent bystanders and passersby. Third: as much as I am loathe to admit it . . . while perhaps I don't need this, I would like it very much--a good coddling. To be more specific, someone to coddle me and humor me through my moodswings and my cravings for ice cream. Unfortunately, I am just as likely to bitch-slap that person, so it's best that I don't indulge for now.

Sigh. So, yes, those are the many thoughts and reveries of a girl PMS-ing. Dangerous? Perhaps.

Well, I'd better go busy myself with warfreakiness now, before the thoughts come once again "not single spies but in batallions." (I'll ♥ you if you tell me where that's from. ;))

"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned,
Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned."
--excerpt from William Congreve's The Mourning Bride

of typhoons, school work, and birthdays

2006-09-29T07:21:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, a typhoon named Milenyo (internationally known as Xangsane) ravaged Metro Manila at the speed of 130 kph. Classes were declared suspended until today. I was safe here at home, but I watched the winds outside rip trees off the ground. Now, the winds and rains have stopped, although the sky remains cloudy, and the aftermath isn't so bad over here where I am--the worst part of it for me was the power outage, which lasted for one entire day. However, I know that the damage elsewhere is severe: there've been quite a number of casualties due to floods, fires, and flying debris such as billboards, trees, and even cars. There was even a man who died because his wall caved in on him.

It is truly frightening to see the fury of nature.

During the rest of the previous week, before the onset of the typhoon, I was terribly busy with numerous projects and activities. That's all I can say, really. The finals are coming up in two weeks. To be honest, I can't wait; I just want to have them over and done with so that I can finally have my deserved semestral break and finally attend my Capping and Pinning Ceremony at the start of the new semester. Once I have that cap, I'll become a full-fledged Student Nurse intern! But then, I'm jumping ahead of myself. I have to surmount the finals first. Good God.

Oh, but before I forget, I had a great time last Saturday with my friends, celebrating yet another of our birthdays. The celebration was held in the celebrant's house. We had Starbucks, ate a lot, played Taboo, and probably scared the neighbors with our mad karaoke skills. Oh, and that was the memorable day in which we invented the epic of the genie residing in the crimson paper made by blind Japanese monks living in Mt. Huku-Huku (which is invisible) and is stained with the blood of the Himalayan virgin priestesses from Mt. Kilamanjaro. And it is said that to unleash the genie, one must rub the words "Huku-Huku" 2000 times, counting after each one, after which the person must recite an incantation, which is found in one of the pages of the sacred book wrapped in the special crimson paper. The incantation is invisible, and can only be read on Mt. Huku-Huku itself. Now, I could go on telling you the entire story, including how it actually came about, but I'd take up an hour typing it, so I'll leave you with that interesting tidbit.

Happy 19th Birthday, Theresa! :D May you enjoy unleashing the genie from your present. ;)

And that's about it, really.

Ooh, my blog's been in existence for a year now! On September 25, my blog turned 1. Well, I think that calls for a new layout! :D (I already have a few in mind . . . Hm . . . When I have the time and the proper inspiration, I'll get to it.)

And that's really it. Haha.

serious questions that deserve some answers

2006-09-15T23:30:00.000+08:00

What is superfluous and what is not?

What is necessary and what could be done away with?

What is justified and what is just plain ambition or stupidity or presumptuousness or inconsideration?

What defines the threshold between deserved and uncalled for?

Should there be an "all-or-none" law or should the reaction be in proportion to the stimuli?

Why are so many things and situations and thoughts and emotions and people ridiculous?

Should I be exasperated, indifferent, or sardonically amused?

Why does this world have so much folly?

Why is it hard to "walk your talk"?

Why do some people put on airs when they have no right to?

Why are a multitude of people so selfish and self-centered and just plain immature?

Why is it so easy to hate?

And why am I so compelled--even against my will--to deliberately and painfully exact my revenge?

Most importantly, why do we all end up doing the stupidest things?

Excuse me while I scoff.

Happy Birthday once again!

2006-09-13T23:47:00.000+08:00

Happy 6th birthday to my niece.

Too bad I didn't get to spend the day at home, but at least I got to wish her a happy birthday when I arrived home in the evening.

Happy Birthday, Ysabel! :)

dinner with friends

2006-09-11T16:36:00.000+08:00

It's another one of those "I'm supposed to be studying, but . . . " posts. ;)

Anyway, I just wanted to take some time out to write about what happened to me last Saturday evening. For the first time since the summer (which was about four months ago), I got to see my high school friends again (to celebrate the birthday of one among our ranks). We ate at Shakey's, took a lot of pictures, went to Starbucks for dessert, then took some more pictures.

The rumination for the week is: why are "porn" pictures so popular amongst the youth?

Harhar.

It was great to be able to see everyone again. Even though I wasn't able to attend the pyjama-themed party afterwards (damn it, I wanted to enjoy the free drinks, the open bar, and the dancing!) due to my asthma, I didn't regret it much. What was important to me is that I got to hang out with my friends.

Happy 19th Birthday, Maria! :) May you have many more to come!

Here's to us and to all the upcoming birthday celebrations. ;) Cheers! :D

blitzkrieg

2006-09-06T18:57:00.000+08:00

It's a struggle to put on a smile and to pretend that I feel nothing out of the ordinary when inside, I'm furious.

I've never been a patient person. But I do make an effort to hold my tongue--and sometimes even my thoughts--because I believe in civility. Besides, relationships with people are important.

But--

dare to think that you can walk all over me;

dare to believe that you can play me for a fool;

and,

dare to assume that I'll take your bullshit lying down with my tongue in cheek--

All I can say is:

You're underestimating me and my abilities.

I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.

And I watered it in fears,
Night and morning with my tears;
And I sunned it with smiles,
And with soft deceitful wiles.

And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright,
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine,

And into my garden stole,
When the night had veiled the pole.
In the morning, glad I see
My foe outstretched beneath the tree.
--A Poison Tree by William Blake

Asthma attacks are painful.

2006-09-01T17:49:00.000+08:00

Well, it was inevitable that the stress of my lifestyle would catch up to me, and catch up to me it did--with a vengeance. Last Monday evening, I found myself in the ER after suffering from an asthma attack. I did feel it coming; I mentioned in my previous entry last Sunday that I had a mild attack. Anyway, there's not much I can do about it now except take my medications diligently and grab whatever rest I can.

Exams week is over, thank God; I can finally relax a bit. Although there're still things to be done, at least I don't have to study nightly anymore.

I wish I had extra time to make a new layout. I'm itching to design a new one. I do have a concept in mind, but it's in grayscale, and I feel like something colorful. My life is too riotous with color to have a layout in black-and-white. ;)

A random rumination: Once in a while, I feel as if I live in a cage. It's gilded, and bejeweled with rubies, emeralds, diamonds, and pearls, but it's a cage nevertheless--a trap into which I was born by virtue of circumstance. Still, while I would rather have this cage then to have emptiness to come home to--a bit of something is better than a lot of nothing--and while I know that I'm actually fortunate to have this cage (others don't have anything)--it still pains me that I cannot fully stretch my wingspan. Oscar Wilde said, "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." Well, some perhaps may reach the stars through their own endeavors; and some, like me, are perhaps destined to stay where we are--trammeled in our cage.

I don't want to dwell on it anymore. If only it would stop haunting me.

the darker side of Nursing

2006-08-27T16:32:00.000+08:00

Typing is a bit difficult right now. I've just had a mild asthma attack, and my medication gives me tremors, most of which manifest in my hands. That makes it hard to write, type, or to do anything that requires fine motor skills using my hands.

Nevertheless, here I am, typing my thoughts.

I've been meaning to write this a week ago, but due to my schedule, I really had no time or no strength to submit an entry. So I'm taking advantage of this momentary free time (which will be gone by 6:00 P.M. because that's when I resume studying) to write the thoughts that have been niggling at me.

I have just seen the darker side to my profession.

I was assigned to the surgery ward last Monday, and I was appalled at the new kinds of cases I had to handle. Suffice it to say, work in the other wards beforehand was nothing as shocking as what I underwent in the surgery ward.

I can't say much about it, since confidentiality is one of the key traits of a nurse--and, in addition, I don't want to pay for the consequences of what I will say, since divulging information is against the ethico-legal nursing code.

However, let me just say: it was a traumatizing experience.

I didn't know whether I wanted to cry, vomit, or both. It was heartbreaking. To be faced with such illnesses, such cases, and such patients . . . it tore me up inside, to see their pain, and to see what sort of things they had to undergo.

It was a miracle that I managed to stay strong in front of the patients. I just kept saying to myself, "It wouldn't do them good to see a student nurse crying because she was shocked at the horrible condition of her own clients."

In that ward, I saw and heard about the cruelty of man against man, of nature upon man, and of time against man. I've seen patients with diseases eating away at them, claiming their life slowly.

It was terrifying. But I couldn't dwell on my fear. When the patients line up, the nurse has to act. I had no more time to remain petrified in my shock. When the doctor called for me to help, I kept face and helped. There was nothing else to do.

And eventually, I forgot about the terror.

Objectively, I know that I will see more frightening and more heartbreaking things as I gain experience. I will have to do post-mortem care. I will see patients die in my hands, their eyes glazing over with the emptiness of death. I will see patients begging me to help them, to save them from their pain, and from the clutches of the Reaper hovering at their bedside. I know this for a fact--I've heard too many student nurses, registered nurses, and doctors tell me about these horrors.

Nevertheless, I won't forget the first day I was shown the painful side of Nursing. It was a different sort of experience--one I'll unlikely forget.

And it makes me want to be a better nurse.

A nurse who can spring into action, regardless of her fear, because she knows she has a life to save.

I know have said that I have seen the darker side of Nursing. But, as a student nurse, I have chosen to bear light. I have chosen to tread the steps of Florence Nightingale--the Lady of the Lamp.

I choose to be a bearer of the Light.

But for now--untill I am mature enough to go forth--I shall keep the lamp at my bedside to fight off my own nightmares.

a glance outside

2006-08-13T16:41:00.000+08:00

There're just some days when you wish you could go back to the way things were, even for just a while.

But when you try to, you know that you can't. As much as you long for it.

I guess I just have to accept that things change--have been changing, and will keep changing, actually.

What happened to my world while I was looking elsewhere?

"I fear a cage. . . ."

2006-08-12T20:50:00.000+08:00

It is once again Saturday night, and here I am once again before the computer, the words flowing from my mind and into my fingers to be translated by the keys into the words that I spin, on and on and endless, paragons and poetry and prayers. The brocade stretches out before me, with its metaphors and its foreshadows and its interwoven threads both a paradox and a testimony to one another.

The question is . . . why am I here?

Spinning pretty phrases and idle words on a deadly spool, its sharp blade gleaming at me with an unholy light?

Many a night have I sat lethargic and idle before an empty screen, nonsensical words of philosphy itching to flow from my mouth and my gyri and sulci into the blank white parchment that is so begging to be brought to perfection with the script of ambling thought.

Why is it that even as my body seeks the release of the tension of a grueling week's work, my soul itches to dance along silver-limned fields and to lie cocooned in silken sheets underneath a gossamer canopy and to seek refuge in the forgotten castles and manors of old?

This, my friends, is wanderlust.

The kind in which my feet long to travel and to traverse new roads. The kind in which it is my mind and my spirit that seek an adventure. They are those that wish to stretch their wings and to take flight, to soar into a bejeweled sky bright with the blaze of a thousand suns and dark with the promise of eternity.

And yet, I am in a cage--the cage that is my body and this time.

I long for the crystalline skies of languages lost and kings brought to dust and ash. I long for the relics of the ancients. I long for the remnants of forgotten empires that have been trampled into what is forgotten and tucked into memory.

I long to be set free.

Who knows what you have spoken to the darkness, alone, in the bitter watches of the night, when all your life seems to shrink, the walls of your bower closing in about you, a hutch to trammel some wild thing in?
--Grima Wormtongue, Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

Must. Study!

2006-08-09T19:19:00.000+08:00

What can I say about how life's been? Well, it can be summarized into one word: hectic. But hey, that's the life of the Student Nurse. And despite my dissatisfaction with my grades, my general state of weariness and lethargy, and my never-ending "things-to-do" list, I still love it. Even when I wonder what the hell I'm doing in this course. (Though, when I look closely enough, I can answer my own question of "what the hell am I doing here?" It's quite simple, really. I'm learning interesting things, helping people achieve a state of health and well-being, setting my future, all at once, and loving it, despite the eye of the needle that I have to squeeze my oftentimes miserable self through. Such a paradox, isn't it? Miserable, and yet pleased with myself when the day is done--provided that I know I did a good job. So the trick there is to do as best a job as I can as often as possible. That way, I go to sleep happy. And this is a very long afterthought.)

The OB-Gyne ward is cool. Haven't had much exposure yet, but from what I've seen of it, it's alright. Am all studied-up about the puerperium.

P.E.'s getting better now. :)

I have an Anatomy and Physiology pratical exam to study for regarding the muscular system. If only my neurotransmitters would work properly. I feel as slow as a car caught in the rush hour--which, in the Philippines, means a fifteen minute drive taking two to four hours.

I also have a quiz for Community Health Nursing tomorrow. Guh. Must study for that too.

And, I have a debate to do for English, and I have to get started on my speech. I've actually written the first part (or the first sentence, to be honest), and I'm quite hesitant because the topic is quite extreme . . . and it's something I don't approve of (well, one part of it). It's hard to write a speech about the pros of something that you yourself don't like. But hey, that's debate. You have to be ruthless and merciless, even to your own values and stands.

I've noticed recently that I have a habit of writing essays in my head. Too bad I never actually remember most of them later on.

I've also realized that Nursing has become my life. Well, that's fine. It was inevitable, anyway. I've seen it happen to my brother, so I'm not surprised that it's happened to me as well.

Alright, I think I should get my befuddled mind working now. The promise of caffeine is so tempting . . . but no. I'm abstaining from caffeine. At least for a little. I can't afford to get all snappish again.

Oh, I have a new personal quote: a little bit of work today means less work for tomorrow! In other words, try not to procrastinate too much (I won't say "at all" because hey, that's impossible to do!).

Oh, and on a very random side note . . . I met someone new. Hm.

Ta!

I had a bad day.

2006-07-26T19:42:00.000+08:00

You know how there're just some days that start bad then afterwards things just roll downhill from there?

Today was one of those days.

I had no classes for the past two weekdays so it was somewhat disappointing to wake up and discover that there was class again, though it was inevitable. So I grudgingly went to school only to discover that our first period teacher was AWOL. To pass time, my friends and I decided to eat breakfast at McDonald's.

And there, at McDonald's . . . something cataclysmic happened.

I poured vinegar instead of maple syrup onto my pancakes.

ARGH!!!
~~It's a snake!~~
I'm still upset.

By midday I thought that things might finally pick up a bit. I got the result of one of my exams and although I'm not too happy with what I got, at least it was decent. We had English, played a game--something ticked me off during that time, but I'd rather not discuss it--then I went to P.E..

It was P.E. that was once again horrible.

People are just so . . . annoying. I won't say anything in case someone stumbles across this data and finds it incriminating. But. I refuse to be treated with disrespect. I swear . . . this is a warning to this person. . . . Cross me again and you'll have it coming.

I shan't say no more. Just thinking about it is enough to piss me off again.

And another thing annoying about P.E. is that I'm required to go to this activity on Saturday for an incentive. I don't really want the incentive. But it's extra work if I miss the activity, so . . . oh, well.

Anyway, so after that warzone that is called P.E., I went home, ate a good dinner, and am now settling down to rest. I actually have a few more things to do, but I can do them tomorrow . . . one good piece of news about tomorrow is that class starts at 1:00 P.M. because the teachers have a meeting, so I can at least grab a bit more shut-eye.

Oh, and some interesting news: I'm assigned to the OB-Gyne ward in our hospital this coming Monday! I'm jittery/excited. I think it's going to be an interesting experience. :) I'm a little hesitant to be moving away from the health center that I've grown accustomed to, but hey, that's the life of the nurse. You've got to be versatile.

And I was very prepared to inject more babies in the health center. Oh, well.

That's about all the news I have . . . I'm off. Ta.

I ought to be studying . . .

2006-07-20T16:54:00.000+08:00

. . . but I think I need a break. My mind has been turned into pink jelly.

So, to "unjelliefy" my mind, I will answer one of those random surveys that are rife round the internet these days.

1. FIRST NAME? Maria Victoria
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? After my dad, Victor.
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Some days ago over something I would rather not discuss.
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Yes, I'm quite proud of it. The only thing I dislike about it is that it takes up too much space.
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? Spam, probably. Especially with catsup.
7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Probably.
8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? I used to keep one, but I stopped writing in it some years ago. Now most of my thoughts go onto the internet.
9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Isn't it obvious?
10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Nope. They were taken out last year.
11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Yup.
12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Post's Honey Bunches of Oats!
13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Nope. I just kick them off into a corner.
14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Excuse me while I laugh.
15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? I like anything with caramel in it or caramel-like flavors, like dulce de leche.
16. SHOE SIZE? 7 to 9.
17. RED OR PINK? Red. But blue pwns you.
18. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My laziness. (Like I'm supposed to be studying now . . .)
19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? The one who's just stolen my heart.
20. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? If they want to.
21. WHAT COLOR OF PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARNING? I'm wearing a dress.
22. LAST THING YOU ATE? Mutton satay! :D
23. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The sound of the rain pattering upon my rooftop.
24. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Lapis Lazuli. ;)
25. FAVORITE SMELL? Soap.
26. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Theresa.
27. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? The eyes, probably.
28. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? No one sent it to me, but I do like the person I got it from.
29. FAVORITE DRINK? Water. Or iced tea.
30. FAVORITE SPORT? I like watching tennis. You were asking about what sport I like to play? . . . After ten years of thinking, perhaps I shall be able to answer . . .
31. EYE COLOR? A lighter shade of brown than most but not too light.
32. HAT SIZE? I haven't the faintest.
33. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? My eyes are still 20/20, despite the abuse I often put upon them.
34. FAVORITE FOOD? I like lots of food. Harhar. Japanese, Spanish, Filipino, Thai, Indonesian, Italian, French, Chinese, American, Korean, Australian, Fast Food. . . .
35. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? Since I'm far too lily-livered to watch anything as scary as The Ring (which isn't even supposedly scary at all), happy endings are definitely preferable.
36. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED AT THE MOVIES? Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. Savvy? SQUEE!
37. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? I'm wearing a dress, you repetetive survey.
38. SUMMER OR WINTER? The cusp of spring and summer.
39. HUGS OR KISSES? Hugs. But kisses after hugs aren't bad either.
40. FAVORITE DESSERT? Fried banana! :D Or ice cream. Or a good cup of iced coffee with whipped cream on top. Or cake.
41. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Who knows? (cue eerie stalker music)
42. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? The ones who are oblivious to the survey.
43. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Essentials of Anatomy and Physiology by Seeley, Stephens, and Tate; Nursing Practice in the Community: Fourth Edition by Maglaya; and, Community Health Nursing Services in the Philippines by The Department of Health - Philippines.
45. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? None. I was studying.
46. FAVORITE SOUNDS? Popcorn in the oven. Sizzling food on the hot plate or sizzling ingredients on a hot pan. Good music. Rain on my rooftop. The quiet hum of the airconditioning and my computer.
47. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES? The Beatles, definitely! *points to current layout* I am a modern-day Beatlemaniac! :D Ringo Starr rocks my socks!
48. THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? I'm not sure if that's New York, Los Angeles, or London.
49. WHAT'S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? I have special skills. ;) Haha. You decide.
50. WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU BORN? April 13, 1987, Manila.
51. WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I gacked it from Theresa.
52. DO YOU LIKE THE COLOR ORANGE? It's alright. I love blue best.

It's time to study . . .

Wah.

Maglaya, here I come.

P.S.: I bought a new umbrella! :D

P.P.S.: Oh, snaps to you if you found the allusion to High School Musical. :D

highlights

2006-07-19T19:38:00.000+08:00

I have exams and a ton of work to do. Stress is my middle name.

But I still love Nursing.

My friends make it fantastic.
[HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY, JUSTIN! :)]

The patients who trust you make it rewarding.

And the teachers who help you grow in skills and knowledge make it wonderful.

However, P.E. today was hellish.

Someone stole my umbrella.

Working at the health center is cool. People think I'm a doctor. But I'm proud to be a student nurse.

My friends and I have discovered this new burger joint. It is really yummy there.

And . . .

I'm falling in love.

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you;
Letting go of all I've held onto.
I'm standing here until you make me move;
I'm hanging by a moment here with you.

I'm angry.

2006-07-15T16:52:00.000+08:00

I am not particularly happy.

I already have a lot on my mind . . . and now, this.

My internet keeps screwing up on me.

So I can't download my Literacy Training Service (LTS) requirements.

AND:

I was in the middle of taking my pre-test 4 when it went haywire again, and now, I can't access my test anymore.

Damn it.

On two lighter side notes, though:

Firstly . . . it's okay. Everything's okay over here. Thank you, God.

Secondly . . . my secret's out to the people I trust.

"it gets harder each day"

2006-07-10T18:45:00.000+08:00

I have a secret.

And it's beginning to hurt inside.

"What are you thinking of?"

2006-07-06T19:03:00.000+08:00

Today wasn't a particularly fantastic day . . . in fact, it was quite close to the opposite. Nothing really cataclysmic made my day semi-awful; it was just the number of little frustrating and depressing things that helped to tip the scales towards "bad day" instead of "good day."

But instead of dwelling on the bad . . . I'll just dwell on the good. As I've mentioned before, my friends really helped to offset whatever upset me or us today. And . . .

Well . . .

Something really makes me happy.

It's a secret!

the RN in the making . . .

2006-06-30T19:29:00.000+08:00

. . . is once again sick.

Pharyngitis secondary to allergic rhinitis and post-nasal drip.

Antibiotics and antihistamines galore.

Why am I not surprised?

I've just come to the realization that I'm sickly to the point that my first thought when I get sick is "I want antibiotics." And when I say antibiotics, I mean the strong ones like clarithromycin and coamoxiclav (which I've taken before for various illnesses including bronchopneumonia, chronic tonsillitis, and, yes, acute pharyngitis).

I'm tired. Nursing is tiring. But I don't want to give it up.

I hurt inside. I'm depressed because of many various things. I suppose that the bacteria and/or viruses festering in my pharynx aren't helping any.

But no matter. I have many trinkets. And this is one day definitely rainier than most.

I'm just thankful that there's land in sight.

not free. never free.

2006-06-29T21:05:00.000+08:00

Just when I thought I was free from the pain you could so easily cause . . .

You strike.

With

Brighter blade
Sharpest edge
Too much
Like
The dullest rapier

No escape.

No reprieve.

No

Surrender

Hacking to the core.

Crimson tears

And rubies

And you.

Now I know
I shall never be free of the scars.

Masquerade!
Paper faces on parade . . .
Masquerade!
Hide your face so the world will never find you!

Masquerade!
Seething shadows, breathing lies . . .
Masquerade!
You can fool any friend who ever knew you!

randomness

2006-06-28T18:59:00.000+08:00

I should be studying for the two tests I have tomorrow, but I feel as if my mind has been melted into mush.

There are moments when one feels like writing, even when one has nothing to write about. And there are moments when one feels like speaking about one's self in third person. This is one of those moments. But I think I shall desist with the third person talk. See? I desisted. Ha.

I guess, in the light of randomness, I shall be discussing random things that have occured today. And not necessarily in the context of Murphy's law.

Just a few hours ago, I was eating some candy and I dropped a bit of it onto the floor. Without thinking, I popped it back into my mouth . . . but right before swallowing, everything I'd learned from Microparasitology came rushing back into my head, and I suddenly had nightmarish visions of Ascaris lumbricoides festering in my intestines. If you would like to have some visual aid so that you could fully experience my nightmare, click here. I'm warning you though, it's not a pleasant image. (And to think that at some point, I'll probably have to be operating someone with an Ascaris infection . . .) And so, with that horrid image seared into the back of my eyelids, I hastily spat out the candy, kept on spitting until my mouth went dry, immediately gargled and brushed, and, to top it all off, guzzled down some liquor as suggested by my mother. (Her rationale was that since liquor was alcohol, it might kill whatever eggs I may have ingested. I don't know if that's true, but in my panic and desperation, I follwed her suggestion.)

Wah. I don't want any parasites growing in my liver, intestines, lungs, and/or anywhere else plausible in my body.

Moving on . . .

I had my first P.E. session today. Social dance. We did the line dance, or the L.A. Walk, which I actually took up in high school. This one was more complex, though. It was fun. Hopefully it remains fun. I actually wore some heels to school because it was a requirement for P.E. I never buy school shoes with heels. First time for everything, I suppose.

Oh, and in the light of true randomness, here's something I want to share with you: http://badgerbadgerbadger.com. Watch it. It won't take long to load. Please. It's so worth your time. Heehee. :D

Am currently listening to trance, techno, and dance music on Yahoo!Messenger. I want to go clubbing again. Sigh.

It's been raining nonstop. And that's why I've been storing many, many trinkets in my pockets. Can I keep you?

I should be studying. But I'm resting for now. Was just listening to The Phantom of the Opera--Original London Cast, of course. Sarah Brightman and Michael Crawford kick ass. If I could sing like anybody, I would love to sing like Sarah Brightman. It's funny that I've been listening to this CD for over a decade. It was first given to me by my parents at four. The lyrics sheet is pretty battered now, but the CD's still in good working order, thankfully. I've missed Think of Me.

I should be studying.

Sigh.

And all the roads that lead you there are winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how . . .

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me.
And after all,
You're my wonderwall.

Symphony no. 9 in D minor by Beethoven

2006-06-23T17:46:00.000+08:00

. . . otherwise known as the ever-famous Ode to Joy, which includes text from Friedrich Schiller's An die Freude (Ode to Joy).

Oh friends, not these tones!
Rather let us sing more
cheerful and more joyful ones.

Finally, it is the end of one of the most excruciating academic weeks I've had in my entire life as a student.

This entire week, I've gotten only around three to four hours of sleep each night, which basically means that I've been sleepy and lethargic for five days.

The painful thing is that it doesn't stop here. I still have a lot of things to do for the next week. And according to many other reliable sources (i.e. my brother and my friends who are either my upperclassmen or graduates of BSN), this isn't even the beginning. It's an uphill climb that just gets harder and harder as you go on.

But anyway, I don't want this entire post to be just about me whinging about life, because many good things have happened as well.

And they've happened because of my friends.

To my friends (you know who you are):
You guys make Nursing worthwhile.

And finally, just as I began this post with a translated excerpt from the text of Symphony no. 9, I shall end it with another excerpt.

Glad, as His suns fly
Through the Heavens' glorious plan,
Run, brothers, your race,
Joyful, as a hero to victory.

This race is far from over--in fact, it's only just begun--and the finish line is still far away. But if we look hard enough, it's there. And I, despite my aching joints and tiring limbs, despite the thoughts of despair and exhaustion that are overwhelming and may overwhelm me, have no plans of losing sight of that glorious finish that awaits us all.

God give us strength. Here's to us and to more murderous weeks. Cheers.

On a random side note . . . it seems that I like a lot of music in the key of D. Canon in D by Pachelbel is one of my utter favorites too.

rainy days are here

2006-06-15T18:21:00.000+08:00

I should be studying right now, but I've just gotten home, and I'm rather tired. . . . And I think a thirty-minute break won't do me too much harm. I hope. Harhar.

The first few days of second year have been hellish, just as I've expected and been told to expect.

Suffice it to say that I feel as if I've been run over, which in turn causes me to be just vaguely horrified because I know I'm not even experiencing the full brunt of what Nursing really is. And I'm only vaguely horrified for the time being because I'm too exhausted to actually be fully horrified.

Sigh.

I'm just in the basics, and already I feel like roadkill.

Plus, the monthly, tortuous phenomenon of womanhood is upon me this week, and I consider it the driver of the containerized van that has just exploded in my face. It makes me far too lethargic for anything, and sugar rushes aren't effective enough to counteract it.

Nevertheless, the pride I felt in making it to second year is still there, and is actually all the more emphasized now that I know I'll soon be able to experience the things that make Nursing what it is. I'm proud to be where I am now. This was a torture/privilege I worked for and earned, and now that the challenges and rainy days are beginning to come my way, I'll do my best to face them, armed with an umbrella that doubles as a halberd.

So, in light of that, I should now tend to the next things on my agenda: writing a two-page handwritten essay for English and studying another chapter of Fundamentals of Nursing, Volume 1, 6th Edition by Potter and Perry.

I wish I could perform asepsis to eliminate lethargy.

Victorian Dreams v3.0 - Trinkets for a Rainy Day

2006-06-13T17:12:00.000+08:00

After less than two months, I've decided to give Victorian Dreams a makeover once again. Inspiration just struck, and I'm not one to shoo off the Muses when they decide to come and drop by for tea.

But before I introduce this new layout, I want to first say farewell to my old one. Here is my last goodbye to Victorian Dreams v2.0 - Beyond What Is Real.

And now, onto the new layout!

I know I wanted to do a layout with The Beatles, but this didn't quite come out like what I had in mind. I already had a layout planned in my head initially featuring The Beatles, and it had a clean, greyscale feel to it. I had a great name in mind too, but I shan't reveal it because I really like it and I want it to be a surprise should I use it for another layout in the future. :)

Anyway, inspiration just struck a few days ago. I decided I wanted to do a lightly grungy layout, with a surreal sort of realism to it. I don't know if I've achieved that balance of realistic and surrealistic with this new layout, but nevertheless, I'm happy with the way it's come out. It's definitely different from anything else I've done before--you can look at my two previous layouts [here and here], which are basically embodiments of the kinds of styles I use in my digital artwork, and the difference between those two and what I have now is quite obvious . . . though I suppose that my "touch" (or whatever else it's called) is still there. Hm . . . now that I think about it, the colors are very typically me. But the photomanipulation in itself is something that I haven't tried before. I'm quite pleased with the result.

On to the title . . . I spent a long time debating on what I should name this new layout . . . for a while, I wanted to use Rainy Days and Mondays as inspired by the song Rainy Days and Mondays by The Carpenters and in light of the season--both the rainy season and the school season. Haha. Then, I thought that the song was a bit too pessimistic for me (despite my pessimism already) so I wanted to use Always Something There to Remind Me--now inspired by the Burt Bacharach/Hal David song (There's) Always Something There To Remind Me. But then, I thought that the entire message of the song was not what I was trying to convey . . . so I ended up making an original title, which is Trinkets for a Rainy Day.

What I mean to say by Trinkets for a Rainy Day is that there are always nice things to look at when one feels down--nice personal possessions that may not cost a lot money but are priceless when it comes to emotional value. There's an old ticket to a concert, a few foreign coins, your grandmother's necklace, a particularly lovely bow from a special Christmas gift, and of course, an old diary . . . simple things to look at and to feel happy about. I also got the idea when I cleaned my room recently . . . It's funny how cleaning your room can also remind you of your history. I found a lot of lovely things that are worth so much to me, even if they seem like simple things.

Anyway, the bottomline is . . . I want to be optimistic now. I'm going to be in for one hell of a ride this school year. Many a day will be rainy days. But that's alright. I'll have many trinkets for many rainy days--not only special ordinary keepsakes and baubles, but also silver-gold dreams spun into words.

almost well // there is a tornado lurking inside my closet

2006-06-09T10:59:00.000+08:00

Many things have happened between my last entry and this one, and I guess I shall begin this one by picking up from where I left off last time.

Regarding the sickness that has been plaguing me for one entire month, it's much better now; the last medication I took alleviated the dizziness a lot, and the rest of it just faded on its own. I was actually due for my CT scan two days ago, but I went to the doctor beforehand, and he performed a number of tests on me to check my balance and the results came out good. He therefore decreed that I didn't need a CT scan anymore, much to my relief. Anyway, I can really feel the improvement now; I still have a few dizzy fits during the day, but they're very rare now and they last only for a little while. Even though that means I'm not completely well yet, at least I know that there is improvement. It took a month to leave me, and it still hasn't left me completely, but the dizziness is now better by leaps and bounds.

Again, I want to take this opportunity to thank all the special people who constantly checked in on my progress and showed concern. Thank you, friends. Your encouragement was much appreciated.

My computer is also fixed now. A few days ago, when I was feeling particularly well and my brother was free, we worked on it together. It's good as new now, thankfully, and ready to go for school.

Speaking of school . . . class starts in four days, and I'm actually a little nervous about it. Perhaps it's an irrational nervousness, but everyone I know who is taking or has finished Nursing always tells me that it's an uphill climb, only getting more and more difficult as the years go past. I know that just a few months back I was desperately wishing to pass first year, and now that it's finished, it's as if the fear I dedicated to failing first year has now been allotted by my brain and heart to a new fear: second year. Well, all's been said and done now: what's done is done, and there's nothing I can do about it but face this fear, really. I just hope that I won't have any severe dizzy fits when school starts.

Following my train of thought regarding school . . . I've started preparing myself mentally for it, asking my brother about what to expect, et cetera.

Also, my preparations for school didn't just stop at mental preparation. My doctor suggested that I get some exercise now that I'm feeling better, and I chose the most strenuous exercise possible that is accessible to me, which is: cleaning my room. I went about this yesterday. I swear, there's a mini-tornado lurking somewhere in my quarters. Perhaps it hides in my closet among my socks. What is my proof that it is there? I just clean my room one day, and poof, when I glance and take notice again, everything is once again a mess. Anyway, for the meantime, it's nice to have a squeaky clean room.

And that is about it, really.

Good God, I'm nervous. Harhar.

health reports, PC reports, and thanks

2006-05-22T11:48:00.000+08:00

I will start this post by saying that henceforth, I won't be able to update this blog as often as I would like to for two reasons: firstly, I have been sick, as you may or may not know, and I now mostly spend my days lying in bed and watching television for the whole day. I can't even read much because reading makes me dizzier, and so writing is also of course out of the question. The earphones of my MP3 player are broken, so listening to music is also not on my "things I can do" list. So, I am mostly incapacitated in bed for now. Now that I have a rare moment of lucidity and wellness--which will be gone by the time this entry is finished--I'm taking advantage of it so that I can at least post an entry regarding my current activities . . . or lack thereof.

Secondly, my computer has somehow managed to break itself while I was lying in bed all these weeks. I don't know how it did it, but I'll have to commend it for its advantageous timing. Just when its owner was not looking, it somehow managed to crash itself--and just when the owner had no strength, both mentally and physically, to fix it. Anyway, I don't want to waste my time talking about my frustrations regarding the matter--I can feel the dizziness returning.

I seem to be getting slightly better, actually. The ten days have passed, and a million medications. Although I am not completely well yet, the dizziness has been reduced significantly--although it's still there, and still bothersome. I only hope that the progress continues. I've been given a new medication (again) and this one seems to be working. As I've mentioned in my previous entry, I took a test that doubles as a check for my hearing and also as a check to see if I've any tumors in the brain. Thankfully the results of the tests were fine--my hearing is normal, and therefore, I am tumor-less. At least, in the part of the brain that controls hearing and balance. The CT scan and MRI have been postponed for now since there has been progress. However, they're not completely gone from the horizon. I can only hope now that the dizziness does abate completely within the next few days so that I won't have to undergo those tests and more importantly, be well again.

And another piece of good news: I actually passed the physical exam to qualify for second year Nursing. At least that's off my chest. Oh, and my eyes have been checked. I have 20/20 vision, and therefore, my eyesight is not the cause of my dizziness. That's a small relief.

Also, one important purpose of this entry is as thanks. I wish to thank all of those who sent their well-wishes. Thank you all. I appreciate it.

Anyway, that is the end of this update. In conclusion, I am getting better, although I still am not completely at my best. And my computer is broken. I hope I get well soon--in a few days, hopefully--so that I can be okay again and so that I can fix my computer and it'll be well too.

t-minus ten days and counting

2006-05-09T18:10:00.000+08:00

My dizziness is not getting any better, unfortunately, and it's worrying me.

What my doctors have said is worrying me too.

Apparently, if my dizziness doesn't abate within the next ten days, I will have to undergo a CT scan and MRI to check for tumors.

There's been a mention of surgery.

That really frightens me.

I hope that I get well within the next ten days.

Tomorrow, I'll be undergoing a preliminary test to check my hearing. If something's wrong there, then it's straight to the CT scan. If nothing's wrong, then I wait out the ten days. If by ten days I'm not any better, then the CT scan and MRI are due.

Please, please . . . I want to get better soon. One surgery is enough.

I hope that I get well within the next ten days.

I'm still working on being brave, though; I had two vaccines today--one on each arm--and I didn't have a nervous breakdown. I'm proud of myself. I will continue being brave. Duty calls. One cannot be a cowardly nurse. (Although being a cowardly patient is another thing.)

I'm so tired of being sickly.

Just . . . please . . . I hope that I get well within the next ten days.

gouts of blood

2006-05-06T17:48:00.000+08:00

I went to the hospital today to have laboratory tests done for two reasons: firstly, to pass to the UST Health Service so that I can gain clearance into sophomore year, and secondly, because my doctor told me to so that he could diagnose my illness. He also prescribed extra blood tests for me such as the fasting lipid profile and the serum electrolytes test, and as a result, they ended up drawing lots of blood from me. One huge syringe to fill up three vials. I was brave, though, so I'm very proud of myself.

Anyway, as the results turn out, I've an infection, and that's what's causing my illness. I'm now on medication: four pills, one of which is an antibiotic, and three of which are anti-vertigo. However, one of them (aside from being anti-vertigo) has a rather unnerving description as stated in the enclosed pamphlet, that description being: cerebral oxygenator. Oh, and I have to take this cerebral oxygenator for one whole month. Fabulous.

The upside of all this torture though is that it takes me closer to wellness. So, I will bear it, because I'd rather go through all sorts of tests and end up well than to just hope it goes away and to find that it never does.

All the other results for the tests required to enter second year were satisfactory, though, for which I'm glad.

I'm sad, though, that I wasn't able to attend my friend's debut today. I'm sure it was great. Oh, well. Perhaps some other time. Even if I'd attended, I wouldn't have been much fun anyway. I'd just end up collapsing all over the place.

Sigh. I hate being sickly. But hey, it's in my genes. Not much I can do there . . . except for damage control. Haha.

For now, there's not much to do but to drink my medicine and to rest. I hope I get well soon.

Oh, I sandwiched an allusion to Shakespeare somewhere around. Can you spot it? I'll owe you a cookie if you do just for tickling my fancy. :D

the good, the bad, and the painful

2006-05-04T12:33:00.000+08:00

So, I've some tidbits of news, both good and bad . . . and since I prefer ending my entries on a positive note, I'll start with the bad news.

The bad news is that I am sick. I am once again stricken with vertigo, which I'd already experienced during the monthly exams last semester. It's not as bad as the previous bout, but it's still pretty awful. I'm on medication right now: two anti-vertigo pills, one three times a day and one at bedtime. I hope that it works by Saturday, because it's the debut of my friend's sister (who is also my friend, of course) and I really would like to attend, if my health permits.

Related to the first piece of information regarding my health, more bad news for me is that I need to have a blood chemistry examination. That means needles sticking into the crook of my arm again. Guh. Aside from a Complete Blood Count (CBC), I'll also be having a lipid profile done, as well as a clotting test, and many others. (This is making me remember last semester's Zoology. . . .) Anyway, I hope that the results turn out okay.

Now, moving on to the good news!

It was my brother's 36th birthday yesterday. It was just a simple affair, actually. Just dinner. But time with the family is always enjoyable. Happy Birthday, Kuya. Good luck to you in all your endeavors.

I've lost weight! Yay! I just hope that my progress continues nicely.

I've found my way around the problem with alt+. Instead of using alt+ codes, I'll be using HTML codes instead. I can't believe I hadn't thought of this sooner. Well, I'm satisfied now. It takes a bit of extra work, but I don't mind. HTML is enjoyable anyway. (So long as it doesn't get tangled.) ♥ <--I've made it HTML, and it works now. Huzzah for me!

I also fixed a few aspects of this blog. They're probably not very noticable, but they make me feel happier. Haha. At least I have peace of mind. (Almost typed "piece of mind" there. Scary.)

One thing I find amusing about myself is that the moment I set up a new layout, I'm already immediately itching to make another. I usually never do, though. But I have some fun ideas for the next one.

My sunburn is healing decently. It still hurts and itches, but it's significantly improved. The raw pink of burnt skin is now giving way to tanned, healthy skin, so I'm happy with that--despite my irritation at the temporary loss of my normal skin color. The burnt skin's coming off now, so that means that a new layer of skin is making its way to the top to replace my previously damaged stratum corneum. When I see my skin peel off, I always tend to think, "Oh, there goes another layer of my stratum corneum. Fun."

Well, that's about it, really. I've been emo lately for no apparent reason (well, it's probably due to my sickness, but I don't really know--it's not Pre-Menstrual Syndrome or PMS, that's for sure. Harhar.) but I'm better now.

Alright. I shall rest now. Ta!

Victorian Dreams v2.0 - Beyond What Is Real

2006-04-28T18:10:00.000+08:00

I've finally given my blog a makeover! After all those months, here is Victorian Dreams v2.0 - Beyond What Is Real.

While the last layout's motif was fire, I actually had no conscious intention of doing this layout in icy tones; it just manifested itself while I was working on Photoshop. In fact, I had no idea that I'd be making a layout with Lucy and Tumnus from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. In all honesty, my two options for the characters in this layout were either Gackt or The Beatles. But I don't force myself when the Muses direct me another way. If they say this is the way, then this is the way for now, and I can just backtrack some other time. I'm quite happy where they've taken me today, and although it isn't quite polished to perfection in my eyes, I'm rather pleased with what I've done. :) One of my pet peeves about this layout is it doesn't seem to accept alt+ codes (like alt+3 for the heart ends up like ♥, when it's supposed to be a heart!). I'm wondering if I can still fix that. Ah, well.

I did have some problems with coming up with the title, because it seemed to me that all of my titles were either too long or too cheesy. *grin* I wanted to make something that had something to do with space and time, seeing as I'm totally in love with Squaresoft's Chrono Series right now, and seeing as those themes would fit The Chronicles of Narnia as well. Anyway, I settled on Beyond What Is Real and I'm quite pleased with it. This title also reminds me also very much of the Time Series by Madeleine L'Engle, particularly A Swiftly Tilting Planet. Just as Gaudior asks, I now ask . . . what is real?

Credit goes to Annika von Holdt's strangeangels.net and to Insomiac Brushes.

EDIT: I can't believe I forgot to take a screenshot of Victorian Dreams v1.0 - Firestorm! Anyway, good thing I'm in the habit of keeping the html of my old layouts handy for future reference, so I was able to upload it again and take a shot.
And so, here is my final farewell to Firestorm.

If you were to glance behind that light-frosted door, will you allow yourself to see the macrocosm of the cosmos and its secrets?

Do you dare see beyond what is real?

of sunburn and Chrono Trigger

2006-04-27T14:51:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, my family and I went to Splash Island because my sister-in-law and my niece were going to meet with their side of the family there. I went with my mom and my other niece on my dad's side. It was good fun. I am terribly sunburnt, but there's not much I can do about that. I am about as red as a lobster. Haha. It's a bit painful and largely itchy, but I've been putting lots of burn ointment on. Hopefully it heals soon.

Am still obsessed with Chrono Trigger. I read in my research that Crono and Marle end up marrying one another, which in all honesty disturbs me . . . it's quite obvious that they'd end up together, but I don't really want them together, as I prefer her with someone else. Ah, never mind. Aside from that, though, I'm loving the game. :D

dancing and drinking--fun!

2006-04-23T15:46:00.000+08:00

So, my high school friends and I went clubbing yesterday. Well, first we had dinner at Cascada, then we hung out at Max Brenner's and at The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. (Max Brenner's chocolate is good, by the way!) Afterwards, we proceeded to Temple.

It was an interesting evening. I was checking out this Japanese guy who was pretty good looking in my opinion (kind of reminded me of Gackt . . . teehee), but I don't think he saw me. Damn it. There was this Caucasian guy who was smiling at me and wiggling his eyebrows, but he was a bit old. Thirty-something-ish? Sorry, but no. (Not that I mind older men. Au contraire, in fact; I like my men rather older than me. But he wasn't exactly my type. He was buff . . . and short. XD)

Oh, and two of our male companions got hit on by this one girl who was totally throwing herself at them and grinding against the both of them with boobs, ass, and whatever else she had on. I was sardonically amused.

And this freaky guy kept hitting on my friend, "Veronica." Haha. He couldn't seem to take a hint, though. We tried shooing him away several times but he was just daft, I suppose. Oh, well.

It was a great evening, actually. I got to dance, drink, and have fun with friends. (Something unpleasant happened as well, but that story is not mine to tell, so I will forego that.) Too bad we had to deal with an annoying guy, but that's fine. Hope I can do this with my friends again soon. (Minus the unpleasant part, of course.)

Can't wait 'til next time. :D

A Glimpse of Alone

2006-04-19T21:42:00.000+08:00

It's in the wee hours of the evening--when you're the sole unsleeping occupant of your household--that you glimpse what it's like to be alone. No housekeepers, no pesky riotous children, no sleepy mothers blinking over their bowls of oatmeal and milk--just you, in the darkness of your unlit home--alone. You realize in the middle of the night that you want a pre-midnight snack, so you go downstairs to see what you can fill your belly with, and you realize that it's not in your vocabulary to rouse the cook simply because you'd like a bowl of noodles or whatever else tickles your palate, so you decide to handle it yourself. There, in the quiet of the kitchen, your universe seems to shrink to you and to your mundane decisions: should I cook something up? or raid the fridge for leftovers instead? And there, you realize what it's like to be alone. (I, personally, decided that I would do both. I found some stuffed rolls in the fridge leftover from lunch. They were still yummy. I then decided to make a simple tomato-based sauce for them. I won't tell you what's in it because it's a secret popular sauce.)

And there, with a steaming cup of rice tea in hand, you realize what it's like to be alone as you munch on your cold rolls with warm sauce. You start thinking about little everyday things, like, "have the bills been paid yet?" or "should I do the dishes or leave them for tomorrow morning?" or "what's for breakfast?" or "this tablecloth needs a bleaching." And you realize--as you wait for nothing and no one, simply eating away at the old and the new, sitting silently in your high-backed chair facing an empty buffet table which is undressed, with the fine china stored away in the cabinets, silverware lined up neatly in the utensils drawer, pristine placemats tidily tucked away into the linen closet, and all chairs pushed inside primly except yours--you know what it's like to be alone.

I should stop talking about myself in second person.

Happy Birthday to me!

2006-04-13T23:52:00.000+08:00

So, I turned nineteen today. It was fun. :D The family came over . . . we took lots of photos . . . I got to hang out with my two younger nieces (of ages three and five, if I'm not mistaken) . . . had very good food, and had very good Mudshake. Yum. Vodka with caramel is nice. And chocolate too.

I know it's going to be my last year as a teenager . . . but hey, since I've always been mourning "the death of my childhood" since I turned about seventeen, I thought that perhaps it was time to have a paradigm shift this year. Instead of hating the fact that I'm getting older (and that I'll be twenty next year--gasp!), I've decided that being nineteen will be dedicated to making my last year as a teenager fun, fulfilling, and worthwhile in all of its aspects.

Hm . . . I'm tired from today's festivities. But it's a nice kind of tired.

Here's to a new year for me! Cheers! :D

of writing, listening, and anticipating

2006-04-12T21:08:00.000+08:00

Well, the Muses descended upon me last night, and I spent hours upon hours writing. I was able to finish two short stories! I'm very, very proud of myself. :D I'm hoping that this streak of inspiration continues for a while, since I now actually have time to write again! Please, whatever Muses may be hovering about my shoulder right now, I implore you to stay and to have some tea and scones and whatever else that may tickle your fancy!

Anyway . . . It's actually my birthday tomorrow, but I don't feel it. I'm not too excited about turning nineteen, I guess. It'll be my last year as a teenager. Oh, woe is me.

Just watched American Idol . . . the show this week was okay, I guess. I was hoping that the singers would do Queen justice because I adore Queen . . . huh. I was disappointed. Katharine McPhee totally made Who Wants to Live Forever anticlimactic, by the way. She just screamed for emphasis--and she didn't even give "emphasis" to the right parts of the song. Too bad; I totally loved the Queen and Sarah Brightman versions. Sigh. But at least Taylor Hicks made Crazy Little Thing Called Love enjoyable. Hm . . . didn't know what to think of Kellie Pickler singing Bohemian Rhapsody. Huh.

Anyway, I am now off to write some more. I shall come back for an update soon!

Happy birthday to me. . . .

Haha.

Chrono Trigger rocks my socks!

2006-04-10T00:08:00.000+08:00

This is fun.

I'm awake during the wee hours of the night . . . or should I say, the morning . . . the sole creature in this household awake and fully cognizant. Vacation is fun. ;)

Anyway, in my attempts to find some pleasant diversions to amuse myself with during this summer break, I found myself looking for Role-Playing Games (RPG's) that I could enjoy. My search led me to two games, one of which is . . . Pokémon. Yes, scoff if you like. I'm scoffing at myself as well. (Haha.) Well, so far I've been enjoying whittling my time away on the game, collecting as many pokémon as I can and leveling up my favorites. (Charizard was always my favorite.) I feel positively twelve again. Haha.

Anyway, as I've mentioned, my search has led me to two games so far. The other would be Chrono Trigger, which I borrowed from a good friend of mine. Chrono Trigger is the predecessor of Chrono Cross, which I love and adore. Chrono Cross is dear to me for literary, gaming, and sentimental reasons--the plot is fabulously complex, rich in detail, vivid, and evocative; the battle system is unique and enjoyable; and, lastly, I played Chrono Cross during a time in my life when I was posed with the same questions Serge had to answer in his own existence. (Of course, not with the same gravity, but the essence is there . . .) Chrono Cross is my favorite of all RPG's, after which is Final Fantasy IX, for the reason that Zidane also faces similar questions in his life that Serge does as well.

Spoilers abound! If you have plans of playing either one of the games, despite Chrono Cross being five years old and Chrono Trigger being a decade old, then skip the next paragraphs!

Chrono Trigger so far is also very enjoyable as well. Of course, it isn't as beautiful as Chrono Cross with regards to graphics, seeing as Chrono Trigger was initially made for the SNES. Nevertheless, the storyline is also very intriguing. However, there are many differences between the two games. Chrono Cross deals with travel between two alternate dimensions in the same time. Chrono Trigger deals with travel between one and the same universe, except through different times. This makes for a very interesting contrast. In addition, the plot of Chrono Trigger is pretty straightforward, whereas the plot of Chrono Cross is very complex. Both, however, are exciting. In both games, though, the protagonists have to deal with Lavos--the destroyer of their world. Both the games have references to both science and myth: it was said that Lavos crashed into the planet and burrowed deep into the ground, sleeping and gaining strength. Its collision with the planet wiped out all reptiles and began an ice age in which the mammals and humanity adapted and flourished. (Sound familiar?) As Lavos slept, it forcefully made the creatures on the planet evolve into higher life forms capable of taking its own DNA, planning one day to merge itself with the highest life forms to produce offspring. In Chrono Trigger, Crono accidentally travels forward in time to a barren wasteland of what was once a thriving and industrialized world, and there he discovers that Lavos rose from the earth and destroyed the planet in 1999 A.D.. (Nostradamus' prediction, anyone? You know, the Millenium Bug, the End of Days, and all that?) Anyway, disturbed by everything he sees, Crono and his friends decide to travel through time to save the world as we know it from the parasitic alien that is Lavos. In Chrono Cross, Serge deals with two incarnations of Lavos: the Frozen Flame, a part of Lavos' core (I think) that was sheared off during its collision with the earth, and the Time Devourer, which had assimilated Schala from Chrono Trigger.

However, in Chrono Cross, Serge's initial motive is simply to find out what's going on in his alternate universe, after which his motive is to prove himself worthy of existence, and again after which he knows he has to save the world. In Chrono Trigger, Crono is immediately tasked with righting history by saving Leene, the kidnapped queen of the Kingdom of Guardia, who was presumed to have been found because of Crono's companion, Marle (who is actually Princess Nadia of their present time, one of Leene's descendants). After that, he is also immediately tasked by his friends to save the world from Lavos. On a side note, I remember that Serge had to deal with Miguel in a square that had Nadia's Bell as its centerpiece. In Chrono Trigger, there's a square as well in which its centerpiece is Leene's Bell. Hmm . . .

It's quite obvious that Serge's world is the same as that of Crono's, except perhaps they're in different continents? One of the major stage players of Chrono Cross is the army of Porre. In Chrono Trigger, Porre seems to be a little village in the southern part of Crono's continent. Nevertheless, they are united because of the need to fight Lavos. Fabulous, isn't it?

Oh, and it has also been revealed to me that Crono's friend, Lucca, was the one who raised Kid from Chrono Trigger (Kid actually being Schala's clone). The connections between the two games are endless and fun to trace.

(It's safe again!)

So far, Chrono Trigger is proving to be a very fun and thought-provoking RPG, despite its fairly straightfoward (but completely wonderful) plot. It gives backstory to a lot of the things from Chrono Cross that I previously didn't quite understand. (And I like Janus/Magus!) I've always loved those "save the world" things, and I'm definitely enjoying this one. :D I want to know what happens next, yet I don't want the game to finish just yet!

I think I've rambled enough for this post. . . . Haha. :D (Rest assured that there will be more rambling as I progress through the game. . . .)

THE FAT LADY HAS BROUGHT DOWN THE HOUSE!

2006-04-06T14:06:00.000+08:00

The list of the accepted sophomores was released today.

I MADE IT!

:D

I passed the cutoff grade to qualify for entry into second year Nursing!

I thank the Lord because He made all of my tears, sweat, late nights, and hard work all worth it.

And of course, I also won't forget the people who helped me along the way, whether they gave me advice, gave me moral support, offered guidance, helped me understand a tricky concept, or were just there to listen while I ranted, cried, and sulked about my grades. Thank you.

I MADE IT!!!

BSN II - 4 or II - 5 . . . Here I come! :D

But, of course, there are two sides to every coin. While I rejoice for myself, I also mourn for those among our number that didn't make it. Rest assured that you are in my prayers. . . .

And the vigil goes on . . .

2006-04-01T13:40:00.000+08:00

Well, it is now April 1st. There are five days left until the dawn of the fateful April 6, and there are twelve days left until my birthday on the 13th. I can't believe I'm turning nineteen. . . .

Here's to the future. May it be a bright one for all of us. :)

the limbo after the end

2006-03-26T21:19:00.000+08:00

Well, it’s over.

I can’t believe that my freshman year of college is over.

It only hit me today because I realized that while it’s Sunday today, I don’t have to turn in early because I’ve no class tomorrow. And it’s not because I have a long weekend either. There’re just no more classes left. It’s a strange realization. Come second semester, I remember fervently praying for the end because I felt that I couldn’t take any more of the stress. And no mistake, I feel the wounds of the pressure, the fatigue, and the stress slowly healing under the knowledge that I can finally rest. However, I’m just a little astonished because I feel like those last moments were just snatched from my hands in the blink of an eye. Nevertheless, I’m glad it’s finished. No more Chemistry Laboratory Conferences, which were the highlights of my year—since the gouts of blood from the carnage after the reporting are still fresh in my memory. Haha. Chemistry was pretty much what murdered me this year.

However, beneath this realization of “it’s over,” I’ve still got to wait. The fat lady hasn’t sung yet. She’s already given the time of her performance—April 6, 2006. Doomsday.

April 6, 2006 will be a literal fork in the road of my life. That is the date in which the list of those accepted into sophomore year will be released. If I’m on that list, then I will be one step closer to being the Thomasian Nurse that I wish I could be. If I’m not, then . . . the bend in the road will take me elsewhere—to another place—where I can fulfill my dreams. I’ve been praying fervently that I’ll find myself on that list and one step closer to the finish line of the thousand miles I’ve got to endure on the way to where my dreams are. There is a quiet dread, sorrow, and anticipation as I wait . . . and there is nothing else to do but wait, and fear in the silence of my thoughts.

It’s amazing how time has sped me to this limbo of waiting. It seems like yesterday when I first stepped foot into the Medicine Building, climbed the flight of stairs to the second floor, and met the group of people that I would be spending my freshman year of Nursing with. I made my first impressions, and others made their impressions of me, and we all watched, waited, and tested the waters together. It’s amazing where time has brought me, but I’m glad that it has rushed me to the friends I have now, who are all incredibly amazing people. I think that we all didn’t expect that we would spend the last few moments of the year together, but I’m glad we did. It was a wonderful experience, and I shan’t forget it. They made me a new and better person, reminded me of what I once was, and helped me towards what I want to be. To all of you . . . you know who you are . . . these wonderful friends with whom I spent the last moments of BSN 1 – 5 . . . thank you, and good luck. I hope that April 6 will bring us all the happy ending that we’ve wished for the very moment we set foot in Room 222 and into this life that is called the Bachelor of Science in Nursing.

To all the people I’ve met along the way . . . I’m glad that I got to know you. You’ve all helped shape me into who I am today. This course has changed my life and has changed me for the better. I’ve learned a lot of things, both from the people and the experiences I’ve had. I can only hope that my life will continue to change and develop in the same way next school year, and that it will do so in the halls and classrooms of The Pontificia et Regalis Sancti Thomae Aquinatis Universitas, Manilana.

Here’s to the future, friends. Hope to see you soon.

And now, I return to my vigil.

health news flash + waiting for the fat lady

2006-03-21T17:38:00.000+08:00

The lymph node behind my left ear is swollen. For no apparent reason. I mean, it's obvious that I have an infection near there, but the doctors say that my ears are fine.

Damn it all.

And, to make matters worse . . . my painkillers aren't working enough. Damn it; it hurts!

I hope that my antibiotics get to work. Quickly. It's like having a perpetual cramp in your neck, except worse.

ARGH!

Anyway. They say that it isn't over until the fat lady sings. As for the fat lady. . . . She's still got a long way to go before she brings down the house . . . I'll wait for it around mid-April, I suppose. The list of the candidates for second year will be out by then. But she's almost fully dressed; she's just got to do a few more touch-ups on her make-up and slip into her silk slippers and she's gone. And God help me when she is.

~Vicci, signing off as she takes the deep breath before the plunge